Re: Hunger by Dovina	richa 81.178.251.87	21-Feb-05/6:25 AM
In free verse each line should always be semi-independent from the preceeding text i.e. it should stand on its own, therefore the instructions should be to you not the reader. Other than that be wary of using labels for abstractions 'mental formulations' 'volition'. It is always better to show than tell.
Re: a comment on No Name by hatedestruction	hatedestruction 167.196.165.141	21-Feb-05/5:48 AM
i doubt it
Re: Hunger by Dovina	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.67	21-Feb-05/5:40 AM
I can picture it . Since it happens so quickly, lose the commas.
Re: a comment on AIDS in a Glass by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Sunshine Conkey 172.150.211.77	20-Feb-05/11:45 PM
How would you know what I am knowledgeable in? I've been in college and I also have a good friend dying of Aids, so I'll assume I have some knowledge here. Seeing as I don't eat at Burger King (or McDonald's) I don't need a Burger King napkin.
Re: Summing Up by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.218.91	20-Feb-05/10:05 PM
Nicely put.
Re: Hunger by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.218.91	20-Feb-05/10:03 PM
What means "up utensils I indulge in" or "me a plate of food?" I guess you can't start reading just anywhere and have it make sense. However, in some African countries or on a plane wreck in the Andes, "me a plate of food" does work.
Re: a comment on I AM NOT CONTAINED BY THIS UNIVERSE by Prince of Void	Dovina 12.72.13.237	20-Feb-05/7:59 PM
Hey dude, whatcha smokin’? I’m trying to be slanderous and obnoxious in long-standing Poemranker propcol, but, hey, we’re having a monsoon here in Southern California. I just got back from a long walk in the last inch of 42 this winter with a stop for a pinot noir. The last monsoon was about 1850 as I recall, the year the entire basin flooded from what we now call Newport all the way to the Los Angeles River and more. We called it the Big Water, but to the Spaniards, well, they had to rename everything kinda Christian, going along with the San Fernando Mission I guess. Anyway, my brave got the wickiup built and we settled in on higher ground – no mission living for us, like all those lilly-liver tribesmen and their weak wasted squaws. No, my brave flips back the flap and saunters in with that “Aala, get ready” look, and well, the rest is karmic transference. Reminds me of the good days listening to Buddha talk about the non-existence of the “I,” - just a fiction really, and the only thing that lasts is karma. I went along with it and meditated deep into myself to find my own truth as the Budda said, but, ya know, that rebirth stuff threw me, still does. Seems to me that if any of that karma stuff really goes into pigs and the like and then back to me, I’d feel piggish, maybe look a bit piggish too. Oh well, if it really works, maybe you really can get your ass clean outa the universe and away from it all. Bon voyage.
Re: a comment on A Violent Autumn by bamf909	wilco 24.165.207.93	20-Feb-05/6:52 PM
I kind of had a feeling.
Re: a comment on ~RePOST~Cupid's Arrow <----<< by nothingtoanyone	Dovina 12.72.5.225	20-Feb-05/6:23 PM
Sorry, not much better. Try again.
Re: Loves Struggle by hummers86	sliver 172.163.35.86	20-Feb-05/5:59 PM
Are you decomposing in that lye in your bed?
Re: a comment on ~RePOST~Cupid's Arrow <----<< by nothingtoanyone	nothingtoanyone 66.215.154.187	20-Feb-05/3:30 PM
Maybe the point is easier to see now.
Re: a comment on Suicide..... by *.*ReAdY To SnAp*.*	Prince of Void 217.218.131.167	20-Feb-05/2:48 PM
All we know we obsessed with many things such as love and death mortality and immortality destiny and eternity some of us might find life as a sentence .." life is my agony " i shoud say the death is path of our freedom but i am still dwelling in my sadness sheding tears upon the darkness grasping the hands of lonliness and murmuring the words of emptiness
Re: a comment on Conjugate the verb by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	Prince of Void 217.218.131.167	20-Feb-05/2:18 PM
i like the way his poem is ..it's a avant garde poem ...i will give it more than 10 score
Re: a comment on spherical by Patsy	Prince of Void 217.218.131.167	20-Feb-05/2:14 PM
yeah it has the simplicity of his imagination into the concept of a flat earth
Re: a comment on For Elizabeth, Wherever She May Be by wilco	Prince of Void 217.218.131.167	20-Feb-05/2:04 PM
Wilco this is a nice poem ..
Re: Get in Line by MacFrantic	bamf909 4.254.219.166	20-Feb-05/1:25 PM
A bit vague, but i like the ending
Re: a comment on A Violent Autumn by bamf909	bamf909 4.254.219.166	20-Feb-05/1:16 PM
yeah, actually, i didn't write the pirate stuff.
Re: A Violent Autumn by bamf909	wilco 24.165.207.93	20-Feb-05/1:04 PM
Ok, yeah, I like this. Much better than the Pirate thing.
Re: Brother's Egg Book by Jeremi B. Handrinos	bamf909 4.254.219.166	20-Feb-05/12:26 PM
I don't understand the second line, and scribbles/quibbles might be a bit forced, but I like this poem, especially "Piling things around Me, in squares, and Suspensions."
Re: a comment on I AM NOT CONTAINED BY THIS UNIVERSE by Prince of Void	Prince of Void 217.218.131.167	20-Feb-05/11:01 AM
Dovina some poeple said before i said they said the different things they opened different secerts they had taken different ways the all things which they got they passed by their souls to different lives now do i have them in my soul ? have i lived thousands lives ? and i exprienced too many ways of life it's still unknown for many of us but i want to go beyond what they got before us some of them fathomed the unsaid things in soul that can be sensed just between souls Dovina ...live by this poem The morning wind spreads its fresh smell we must get up and take that in that wind that lets us live Breathe before it's gone Dance, when you're broken open Dance,if you've torn the bandage off Dance , in the middle of fighting Dance in your blood Dance, when you're prefectly free