Re: a comment on Memphis Skyline by wilco	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-Jan-05/7:51 PM
Really, it's just one big long bank, but it here in the south, we make everything plural, even if it should be singular. i.e. - calling one person y'all. ;o)
Re: Memphis Skyline by wilco	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.75	25-Jan-05/7:48 PM
Good lyric. The line "sitting on the banks" makes me wonder if it should be "sitting on the bank." I don't know if Memphis has several rivers with banks upon which to sit or a river with one bank and another on the other side. Still, I like it-9-.
Re: An Ode To Mr. Moon (Acrostic) by Bhaskaryya	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-Jan-05/7:42 PM
I'm not a big fan of the Acrostic form, but this isn't too bad.
Re: Birth by Caducus	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-Jan-05/7:38 PM
I have liked everything I've read by you so far. I thought at first that cunt took away from this one, though. Now, I thnk maybe it's ok after having read it a few times.
Re: a comment on Feudal Conflict by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.75	25-Jan-05/7:35 PM
Good info. But when my cousin, Gaston, taught me to play chess 50 years ago, he Told me it was the Persians (Sinbad the Sailor people) who invented chess. Of course, he was the one who told me that there was a kid-eating monster living in the hall closet (close to the restroom)that ate children when they wandered out of their room at night. Needless to say, I got very good at holding my water 'til morning (most of the time).
Re: "I" became "We" by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	Shuushin 68.237.134.145	25-Jan-05/5:19 PM
I like these - I'm not keen on the god theme (and I noticed you capitalized it here, and not on the last one) and I think it would be fine without it - but hey - it's your thang. Carry on.
Re: Before I met you by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	Shuushin 68.237.134.145	25-Jan-05/5:10 PM
That is pretty damn sweet, I gotta say. Enjoy the emotion, my friend - enjoy the emotion. couple spellings for you if you like: "wasen't" s/b "wasn't", "haden't", "hadn't" - except, as you may know - the misspellings add to the effect of the poem. Good luck.
Re: a comment on Feudal Conflict by Dovina	Shuushin 68.237.134.145	25-Jan-05/3:34 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origins_of_chess or, http://tinyurl.com/498vh Short answer - nobody knows for sure.
Re: a comment on Feudal Conflict by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.194	25-Jan-05/3:28 PM
D, did you mean maybe odor or maybly older? Chess is much odr than the Geeks. I always thought it was an Arabic or Persian game.
Re: Road of Means by MacFrantic	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Jan-05/2:32 PM
You're gonna haveta help me with this one I think. I'm trying at least - ozone layer destruction? It is a very nice start to something - but I think I need, or most people will need, more to get involved.
Re: An Ode To Mr. Moon (Acrostic) by Bhaskaryya	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Jan-05/2:27 PM
"Revivifying " don't see that one much. Consisten rhyming scheme, with a change on the refrain. Kasturi is Indian, no? You might want to trim some prepositions, maybe? Why do I harp on that so?
Re: Being by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/12:10 PM
~beautiful~ -megan
Re: Experimental Robot Questionaire by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/11:59 AM
i like this....... -mega
Re: At a hotel room in Royal Oak by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/11:55 AM
i really like your writing ~are you published?~ <if not you should be> -mega
Re: Liberty bells & Disney Land by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/11:42 AM
its okay......but it sort of reminds me of a mediocre version of e.e.cummings.... -mega
Re: Lonely People by april fool	Dovina 205.184.70.141	25-Jan-05/10:57 AM
Wish I were schizophrenic. Sounds like fun. Seem better, though, to make it personal, not pitting it inside their heads, but talk about how it is inside the head of a schizophrenic.
Re: a comment on Feudal Conflict by Dovina	Dovina 205.184.70.141	25-Jan-05/10:47 AM
Thanks for the explanation. Some good points there. The caps are inconsistant, and I might make them all caps in keeping with Feudal tradition. I'll take a hard look at the rest. thanks.
Re: a comment on Feudal Conflict by Dovina	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Jan-05/10:37 AM
Please don't take it too harshly - let's see, I felt on the first read that there were too many prepositions and too many conjunctions (thens, ands), and a couple extra modifiers - but after getting a little more familiar with it I think maybe you could hack out 2 if that (L1:on, comma after "slay", L6:"then", "vulnerable" *or* "pawn" (if "vulnerable" then maybe a shorter synonym)). I do like the repeated "ands" in L2, because of the alliteration with the ending "d" sound (every word). What has added to my first impression is the capitalization, and the commas that precede them; highlights to ill effect. I don't know if it was you intention to capitalize every first letter on every line, but it isn't consistant. Still, a good story - and a nine.
Re: Ode 2 2Pac by PodPoet	Dovina 205.184.70.141	25-Jan-05/10:32 AM
I, too, know nothing of the rap scene. But you've shown it to me here and it makes sense. I'll listen closer next time I hear it.
Re: a comment on UFO by Dovina	Dovina 205.184.70.141	25-Jan-05/10:22 AM
This is not logical, Dan, so unlike you. If they count in base 6 then our Area 59 would be Area 135. But then, I suppose they can have an Area 54 it they want to. Sorry if I offend a cherished belief.