sliver
on FALLING ASLEEP by AM I EVIL?
3 Sep 2004, 10:16 AM
oooh k, kinda common, try to spice it up.
You also misspelled "exercise" :(
Well done wilco, I really enjoyed reading this one!
I see it has already headed for that no-good end. And I had such a good answer for your ecumenical American Christianity comment, too.
PS-You misspelled occasionally, ecumenical, and Islam.
Two forces? Pish! I don't understand why you think it impossible that man's capacity to care for the welfare of others could not have been brought about by evolution. Did it ever occur to you that an individual's survival may depend upon the welfare of others? Did it ever occur to you that a group's survival may depend upon its capacity to cooperate, and on the capacity of individuals within the group to compromise for the benefit of the group? Evolution doesn't have an aim as such; as we understand it today, it is brought about by random mutation and natural selection. There is no reason why random mutations couldn't lead to characteristics we'd associate with kindness, and it is not necessarily the case that such characteristics would be disadvantageous. I think you misunderstand evolution. In fact, I think you misunderstand so many things that "Wisdom Poetry" probably isn't your thing. I recommend the moving of bow'ls -10-
Do you mean hostage? Poemranker has always been hostile.
A Gentleman never wrestles with himself, unless it is during a bow'l movement, or following a disastrously inept attempt at the reverse sweep. There is little evidence to suggest either of these two misadventures, here. Frankly, it fails. You fail.
Good gracious! To be narcissistic is bad enough; but to be both narcissistic and self-indulgent is calamitous indeed!
That is a very smooth performance hiding a heavy wieght of emotion. That's really great. And it sounds beautiful too.
Passionately stupid. Terrifyingly lewd. Breathtakingly beautiful. -10-
The metaphor is completely overworked and the relation of the World war, Hitler, Goebbels etc. to yourself is so unbelievably narcissistic and self-indulgent that it makes me rather angry. Who do you think you are? Jesus, have some perspective. Moreover, this is illiterate- 'It has began'? And that's only line 2. Add into that the lumpy graceless metre and this is terrible.
More a pensee than a poem. Worth saying though. A hint of Nietzsche.
Despite a certain fey quality, very good.
I like the intensity to this piece - it's darkness. I made me want to keep reading until the end.
Christof
replying on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
3 Sep 2004, 2:32 AM
'you need to search' - sorry, my typing fingers are a bit tired at this time in the morning!
Christof
replying on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
3 Sep 2004, 2:30 AM
I think yiu need to dearch for what Eliot called the 'objective correlative' - that image, character, object, phrase on whcih you can hang your thoughts. It's not enough to write just as the thoughts come to you. You have to do something to crystallise it, to make it feel real to your reader. Otherwise there is a danger of drivelling off up blind alleyways. Essentially, Eliot wrote this very same poem when he wrote 'The Love Song of J. Alfred prufrock' and it's sublime because he sank his own fears into those of his character; he stood back and crafted his verse; he didn't just let it flow. You could do that, too.
Whatever.
Anyway, I'm embarrassed by my part in this entire conversation. The only topic worth discussing here was -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.'s asking if you envy the comfort of believers; and the answer is yes, you should, since you're in the worse position of believing only in a ridiculous, halfassed, and frankly unsustainable way, and not even knowing that -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. was making fun of you by asking. You're clearly the moralist here, as far as the negative, not-really-knowing-what-you're-talking-a
All of this is deliberate. My theory is that artistic expression is best when you are barely in control of what the words mean. My experimenting with the words, even if you don't understand them, you arrive at linguistic truths. Read 'Ash Wednesday' by T.S. Eliot. Editing would destroy the fact that this embodies my mind making connections between words and ideas.
Brandy_n_Cali
replying on I fucked my sister (2 She's pregnant!) by <{Baba^Yaga}>
3 Sep 2004, 12:05 AM
I DEFINTLY AGREE WITH SUPREME!!!!!
ROTFLMMFAO @ "HILLBILLY PETRY FOLKS"
NICE POEM!!