with one eye?

i like, short, sweet, and accurate -9-

Quite nice, enjoyed reading it. Blessed with eight, go in peace.

If this were a pimple, It would be nine. But its not, so have a six.

I like the "something more" that I see in this poem. The contrast between the death of a bug "as just part of beautiful nature" and the death of our own species which is something much more ugly(to us). We are willing to squash a thousand bugs(or other organisms)for every person we help. "I don't mind so much when insects explode"

And the coldness Mike's Pike didn't like *6*

A good thought. "a future foretold" tends to spoil the intrigue that's otherwise there.

Sometimes life is simple. Us vs them.

Great first stanza.

I like the reflection in the back and forth views. Well-written. Have you tried this one on pathetic.org?

Others are attempting genuine feedback. I'll attempt the same, stipulating that this is a fine effort that I like very much. I'm most concerned with two incongruities: 1. Half-concerned. It doesn't seem to fit. The poem didn't seem to be building to the point of concern. Elated, intrigued, comfortable, satisfied -- variants on these words would seem (to me) more appropriate. When I first read the half-concerned line, I thought you were trying to draw a contrast - but I didn't know with what. It took me out of the moment. 2. Sweat. Before that point, you were painting a cool picture. Cobalt breakers, dulcet breeze, beer garden. The black and tan is warm, not hot. So why is she sweating? Nervous? Pissed that you drank her beer? I'm not saying she can't perspire, just that the day seems breezy and comfortable, not hot and sweaty.

too much

what is spledor?

Boooring! Where's the story?

Powerful.

Muddled. where's the story, bud?

Too bad neither one of us is bad enough to grace the worst list ,eh?

I think that this would be good if it was trimmed down some.