Dovina
on Little Girl by hbhpoems
29 Jun 2004, 4:01 PM
This is good, except for telling her what to do in the last two lines.
I can Waltz on Walter.
Bachus
replying on Captain Napkin Starring In "The Passion Of Napkin" by horus8
29 Jun 2004, 3:56 PM
Dare yee summon Turdzilla,
and risk the scently order of our bow'l?
Somewhere, sometime, somehow Dudley Moore just queefed.
I aim high, I was in the Navy.
8 dear.. delicious isn't it.. but it's not good
10... always a delight...
you always know the right things to say, daon't you!?
P.S. There is no "bandwagon" to "gang up" on you. Everyone independently thinks you're a cock.
I like the way you lurch around gushing about irony, even though every time you make an "ironic" comment you carefully explain why you think it's ironic. You are an idiot of the first class.
fish off!!
How dare you? You aren't being anywhere near as humble as you should be, Stephen. And in mocking me, in daring to think that you could teach -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. a thing or two about guff, you have opened yourself up to ridicule on a massive scale. Not just because you're a wally, Stephen. But because your insolence is crippling this community all to bits. My poemes aren't here for people like you to mock. They're here because of a thing called "constructive criticism"; they're here because "constructive criticism" is the final bastion for what little maturity remains in this guff-pit. And I will continue to strain with every fibre of instinct and conviction in my body to defend "constructive criticism", until people like you grow up. Now, in the name of Christ, apologise. -0-
Great start to your poem. If possible add more detail. I am working on detail in my poems as well. Keep the work up.
Quarton
on The Poem Without an End Working Towards the Beginning by TheVoiceless
29 Jun 2004, 11:30 AM
This is mostly incoherent and rambles too much.
Did you write it as a stream consciousness?
(James Joyce wrote Ulysses with this technique)
Perhaps you might take this and shorten for I
believe it has some good ideas and concepts.
I like the concept of no end in searching for the
beginning. An example for the last line:
"The end becomes infinite in my quest for the
beginning"
I do like the line:
"Something to lay my mind to rest, giving it reason
to ease."
Quite lovely and consider deleting the obscenities.
They, IMO, detract from the poem and its potential.
pain killer
replying on Captain Napkin Starring In "The Passion Of Napkin" by horus8
29 Jun 2004, 10:42 AM
i love it when the big boys gang up on each other...what's up doug?
the big boys won't let you join their gang...or did you fail the initiation test?...the trick is to write unmitigated rubbish that means nowt but that because it' oh so clever no one dare admit to not "getting" it...this poem is very clever but lacks warmth and emotional depth and resonance...it's a turd wrapped in silver foil and it stinks...you know how to write good poems don't you doug?...you know i'm right (and write) horus...you DO like your folds
So you didn't have the bollix to stand up to jack macwibble@zodiac.com and you've joined the lets gang up on pain killer bandwagon...you nearly creamned yourself when zodiac damned you with faint praise...what's up...you scared of him and his big wordy stick?...and Doug...your poetry is shite it keeps me up all night...and guess what...the big boys, you know, the regulars who sup at the poemrankers arms (real ale only) still don't like you...now THAT'S ironic...oh yeh i nearly forgot...irony is a concept yanks just can't get their heads around...(aint that true God's wifey) Doug...very poor