richa
on afraid by hbhpoems
30 Jun 2004, 12:14 PM
Afraid is a very weak impact word. You should try to avoid labelling emotions, use image to portray.
Also this could do with cutting down, make the reader think over the words rather than read through to get to the punch.
Spellcheck would not go amiss.
spelling and grammar would help this. still too much telling for me.
Damn! All I see is a blob upon my sheetmusic! I had a playfully good time trying to put a tune to this, but alas, blobby blob, blobby blob, I lacked the syncopation. It's nice to know you're loved though.
Hmmmmmm... It would make more sense to me if it were "by barstools that have Gone-awry-a." They have no clout whatsoever.
Your dedication to guffranker.com is admirable - most people touring the far east would be emptying themselves into the local nightlife. However as you are probably still encased in a pair of deep vein thrombosis tights following the 12 hr flight I beleive you have been most wise not to feast on the local victuals.
I attained 22 UCAS points including General Studies - Touché.
well... weren't you wrong!!!
feels more like I'm being boarded by the parrot...
Here - have a cracker, cracker.
You sound like my friend who has a very bad lisp... and speaking of... why does the word lisp end in "sp?"
I gave it a 3
How dare you call me stupid?! I have a SECOND-CLASS DEGREE in Combined Studies from Manchester UNIVERSITY.
I made a word: pop-tarded.
It's my nice way of saying retarded.
I really liked this poem. I liked it so much, I printed it out and used it in place of my toilet paper.
-0-
Shan't. And it's no good you spurting your curd and getting all excited because someone called a spade a negro.
In point of fact my comment was extremely valid, this haiku did not provide the foundation stone of the reverential harness which now adorns your mishapen frame. Indeed your early poetry is massively disappointing, EVEN after your attempts to reduce the amount of cod on your user page.
-6-
Dovina
replying on The Poem Without an End Working Towards the Beginning by TheVoiceless
29 Jun 2004, 11:01 PM
Nay, my good sir, this is the epitome of great poetry. Each line should be savored and critiqued, metaphored in our own attempts to match its hugeness. Look again, pray, with eyes enlightened.
zodiac
replying on The Poem Without an End Working Towards the Beginning by TheVoiceless
29 Jun 2004, 10:00 PM
You're hugely wrong.
By being a colossal boob.
Checkmate. Cast down ye cutlasses and avast.
Talking of ethnic smells, look what I found in Singapore!
http://tinyurl.com/273w3
http://tinyurl.com/yrbnh
I wish I could touch your neck ,just one time jerimi.Your so good..maybe when I awake?Maybe when I fall?Either way I'll be by you.Just one time.Can't wait u little biatch.I'll be dreaming of u.
BYE
The Mother's Curse
A noise in the dark
I tremble in sheer terror -
An escaped son?