jroday
on PATIENCE by jroday
17 May 2004, 6:58 AM
I wrote this poem based on my life after becoming
epileptic.to all the readers of this poem, please read
it close i'm sure your have some interesting comments
for me. Thank You JRODAY
WHAT!!! No more oomph. I pity you, have a 10 as consolation.
Maybe I should read your poem before voting, but it's a bit too long.
I feel kind today. All poems get a 10.
scratch that it's free verse... he hee
meter... i guess....
good poem, brings back memories for me as well
*10*
I was probably just reading too much into it, then, as it's self-referential at least regarding the poetry, I thought perhaps the "my reason for being here" was referring to p/r--especially made sense with the jeers and whatnot.
HOMOPHOBIC, aren't we all. I couldn't stop laughing!!!
A better deserved ten has never been issued. wheeeeee.
I guesss they'll think I'm a fag now too, screw 'em I loved this.
Then one would think you might know how to spell vein.
Nono
Drop all of the last line except the first and last word. Then capitalize the last word
Drop the last line.
I posted it some time ago, and I've been sitting on it until I felt like tuning it a little. The middle lines didn't rhyme before and It makes more sense with the tweaks. It beats better now too. I'll twist 'er nips a little more some other time. Thanks for yours. It asks for the context of p/r? wha?
I really liked this, it is a bit long, I'm not sure what I would take out. But I have to disagree with the others-I liked the last stanza and I still cared at the end, but I may have drifted a bit in the middle, overall very well done.
nut-nibbler
The rhythm does seem a bit off, but villanelles are like that even when they're spot on, I think. You use some very simple rhymes, perhaps ironically, but that doesn't make them hurt less. I like the two lines you've used to repeat, and I really like that you alternate the leading. Negative points (in my book) for anything that asks for the context of poemranker. But. Dunno. For the form, and for what you're saying, I think you've done a decent job. Bonus for giving me fat to chew. This'll sit in my favorites for a bit regardless.
Rumi was ferociously homosexual, as for you?
You will never be as gay as me -- I have Jesu.
Hi Dalia, welcome to poemranker.
It get's bloody around here.
I hope you've brought a slicker.