Sasha
on Bracelets In A Box by cuddlytiger17
10 May 2004, 1:07 PM
Ann, you might want to try writing poems on a subject other than lost love. Teen romance is overdone by so many and in such a mediocre manner that it has become an automatic cliché.
I'm giving you fair warning: Many other people on this site will be very impolite in telling you what they think of poems like this.
This poem is so beautiful!! I just wanted to cry! I could picture everything and it felt so real...*sighs* You have some talent!
What is this? I'm confused...:/
I think this poem is far above my comprehension lol, but it seems to be very in-depth and significant.
I find this to be, through no fault of your own, entirely too much like entirely too many other poems on this subject to give it anything more than an 8
Wow, the rhythm and overall composition is amazing! Even if you weren't really reading the words, you fall in love with it just by the way it sounds! Good work!
This is a good one, for shizzle.
I wonder why hypatia changed her name to "Deleted User".....I liked the old name better....
A form all your own, elements of the interlocking Rubyat, the Terza Rima and so much else.
I have one solitary gripe: The penultimate line.
The rhyme (...and did forget...) seems forced here. "And forgot" seems more natural although I understand sacrificing sense to sound. An awkward construction with an auxillary verb instead of a smoothe preterite seems out of place here.
However that sole fault is not reason enough not to give you a -10-
In fact, this poem could be re-written to use the motif of endlessly circulating and receiving the same e-mail forwards as a symbol for modern directionlessness or something. Basically, it would involve starting over with only the title from this piece, but since you've already admitted to disliking this one, it couldn't hurt.
Subjectivity only goes so far. This poem was good for me, in that it got some things out of me. But that doesn't make it a good poem, at least in the ranker sense. To my eyes. I suppose if other people like it, ... erm. I'll just leave this as confused. Ot something.
Thoughts not so much happen, lately.
Good one!
It's hard for me to believe that anyone could find fault in this. Yet someone with more knowledge than I, might.
Are you still trying to get your wings back? How do you think you're going to manage that when even ( )CLS( ) can't hold on to hers? Face it, man, the wings of shame are headed in the general direction of the dodo. The only thing left to aspire to will be gay points.
GAYNESS QUOTIENT = +1