Shuushin
on Obituary for the Moon by wilco
10 May 2004, 6:59 PM
That would work. yep, yes it would.
For a minute - I was in my own cab. good un.
I can't speak for Hypatia, but as for me:
Can't. That's a monster that comes with a long long line of tequila shooters that leads into a tunnel that I have seen very few return from. My poetry will therefore, suffer.
Not bad, but for a country & Western song this should really be:
I don't want you 'round here no more
theres some really good stuff here, i think you were able to express your thoughts well, it was a nice read, well done
Very ephemeral, but still grounded in reality.
Good, especially with the natural rhymes
There's a palpable but faint feeling feeling here of Fitzgerald's:
"A book of verses underneath the bough
A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou
Beside me singing in the wilderness
And wilderness is paradise enow."
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on I'm not afraid to admit that I am attracted to Robe Lowe by RO-B-LOWE ME PLEASE
10 May 2004, 5:08 PM
Why wasn't I told that book was online? My copy has totally fallen apart.
asking 'Could I possibly be next?'
This sounds rather choppy. You may want to work on your rhyme scheme. All in all I liked it
What?
Okay, after the 4th re-read I happened to get it.
Not bad
A bit sappy but alright.
I REALLY like this poem!!! I don't care what anyone else says, You've got it together! LOL theres no need to say anything else!
When you ARE a teen it is often hard to think of anything else. Sasha is right, though. You should prepare yourself for the "impolite" criticism regarding poetry of this nature.
I don't know, certain parts just don't seem to fit together right...It seems like you tried a little too hard or something...
You have so much emotion into this, it really grabs the readers attention. I like it a lot!!!
I admire you for your blunt wording. You say what you mean without holding back. Everything flows so smoothly, its a real piece of work. Congrats!
cuddlytiger17
on I'm not afraid to admit that I am attracted to Robe Lowe by RO-B-LOWE ME PLEASE
10 May 2004, 1:20 PM
Uh...?
Awww, i feel so much sympathy for the speaker...I can relate on many levels and this is such a sincere poem. The only critcism i have is that a few lines i stumbled over, they didn't flow as smoothly. Otherwise, I commend you on this.
Interesting...
you might want to take a look at the short span of one subject that your own poetry embodies: Teen Heartbreak.
I think that sort of stuff might be more at home in the upcoming "Still More Chickensoup for the Teenage Soul XXVII"
This is a really good poem but unfortunately I have a very short attention span...