wilco
replying on Moving Forward In Reverse (For Ann) by wilco
19 Apr 2004, 1:21 PM
Thanks for the feedback, H. I think, though, that to change these lines as you have suggested (and good suggestions they are) would change the meaning of said lines too much. And thanks for pointing out the punctuation error in the room line.
I hate to rewrite anyone's poem, but I think you should change these lines: "you'll find them after your heart is broken" and "if for no other reason than to let them go" and "A waterfall coming faster and stronger" and "But your room's getting smaller these days."
Not bad, or wouldn't have gone to the trouble.
I see the punctuation error in the room line but to change the other lines as you have suggested (while they are good ideas)would, in my eyes, change the meaning of the line. I do appreciate your input, though, H.
Sexy, too. But I'm married, sorry.
I think the sequence went something like this:
1. You showed me yours.
2. I showed you mine.
3. You withdrew yours.
4. I withdrew mine
Amost poetickal, but impractical.
If someone deletes a comment while you're trying to post a response to it, your response ends up floating on the comments page like a county-fair's deformed foetus in a jar, while remaining invisible on the poem-page you posted it to.
No, sorry, I don't.
Okay, certainly everybody has realized that 94 isn't 'over 25%' of 389. I know, but it's in the red ether of Numenoria now and I can't change it. You know what I meant.
:[splat]:
There are 389 occurrences of 'above' in poemranker poems. 94 of those are rhymed with 'love'. That is, over 25%.
Hey, remember all those nights when I was laying your kid sister and you were down in the bottom bunk and you didn't say anything about it or go tell your folks - were you jerking off to us then? God! That's terrible! I mean, it was your ten-year-old sister, for Christ's sake! Shame! Shame!
You've not read my recent post then.
You've gotta PRODUCE, sister! Take simone_girard -- She scored an incredible 5 love-aboves in only 4 posts. You just haven't shown that sort of determination, I'm sorry to say. No, it's back to the minor leagues for you.
No,I was hurt because none of mine are included.
Did you have so much trouble because this is a compendium of the worst lines posted on poemranker? Yes!
A nicely told boyhood story. Bravo!
I liked it.
Mayday!!! Poem evacute harnesses harnessed... Standby for impact.
Shit...
This is really boring, but at least it wasn't long.