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on Take Four by NanceXToo
19 Apr 2004, 4:11 PM
nice acrobatics, sound-wise.
I agree with zodiac's comments here.
Sarcasm is much more biting when you angrily inform people you were being sarcastic.
S4 had the most powerful imagery in the poem, I definitely enjoyed it. Very well done; every word adds something to the poem, there's no fluff anywhere.
no crap, i was being sarcastic... note the dry nature of my comment.
Believe me, I liked The Raven better too; I don't pretend to be able to match or better Poe by any extent. I simply enjoy a little comedy, and if I gave you a chuckle than my goal was completed.
"painted like a dali painting" pick a painting and kill the other.
This is, otherwise, pimple - not a bad one though.
no. When I like the user name more than the poem, something is broken.
catchy, clever title.
kill "of the genome"
"with the want for a familar" to "with want of familiar" - and a very good use of "familiar", too.
I think the ending doesn't do it justice - I know you know what you mean, but the promise of the beginning isn't followed through with this confessional wrap-up.
Know what I mean - one doesn't follow the other; this ending could be tacked onto anything.
Would that it could be top 40
The last line would be better "We all went home having learned nothing." Maybe that's what you meant. This is one of your best, anyway.
Actually, I have no music to go with this yet, and to be honest, I don't know that I'm going to write any. This might should have been called a free verse, but it kind of felt like a lyric....so here we are. If I do write any music for it, though, you'll be the first to know.
"passin" gas...?
pride.
what the hell?