Blindpoetry
replying on Lemons Don't Grow by Blindpoetry
10 Apr 2004, 10:12 PM
..and yeah - I seem to like to write my poetry in a rush and huridly edit it... Thats a bad habit that I need to fix.
the poem, itself, just expresses my hurt feelings from an old relationship from a time ago...
It means I'm in grief and sorry for the sadness I started...
...I think, anyways....
alright well, if you can find something else that rhymes with Bang or sprang that fits the theme then let me know.
not too shabby.
your mission: delete seven words.
"to" s/b "too"
"Your face [is] [too] red"
"salty onions" is an interesting idea. But, man - this is wordily convoluted - whats it all mean?
such riddles.
That "I" construct is almost workin'
such riddles.
That "I" construct is almost workin'
That's what I was aiming for, but it felt too angsty and odd to be "real" poetry. But ... la. :) the "inner tissue of my soul" inspired the poem--saw it in another piece on here and had to do _something_ with it. Thanks for the vote of confidence. :)
Suggestion: The prepositions "In", "Behind", "With" as first words in the first three lines strikes me as complicated; forces the reader (me) to construct these relationships in my wittle brain. Distracting.
The specific meaning is vague, but the frustration comes through nonetheless.
Good up to "bruang" which seems there only for the rhyme, a poor reason.
I don't know these people, but like it anyway, nice ring. I'd change "They had" to They'd"
I've always like the sound of nemesis.
Sounds like a young bunch of hoodlums starting a revolution. Out with the old know-nothings! Well it only goes so far. we need both! Yet you show a note of irony when revolutionaries say, "We will not be changing our ways." Yes, I think you're not being totally straight with us here.
Interesting piece from the pen of the most active and "stuffiest" commentator on Poemranker. I remain unmoved but munificent -6-.
tanky **bites**
the big bang theory is a theory, however, i beleive it to be false
top 40 song or poem?