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on My Day Off by wilco
11 Apr 2004, 7:22 PM
awesome poem, i love the line about zodiaz, he keeps pullin down my poems ;( keep it up, and dont forget to read mine
Once I got through the new dialect, I didn't find much. Please tell me if there is anything here besides an int-roducti-on to s-ome ne-w jiv-e.
mine are 129, 134 and 132, those were my Iq scores last time I did those but that like last summer, I was gonna retake it but why should I, I already know
I lack the ability to catch small mistakes maybe?
I'd think its done - until after posting do I see more mistakes...
Do bipolar people exhibit this type of balance and introspection? Nice poem, just wondering if 3rd person would be more appropriate.
Somewhat clever. 6.
Good storytelling.
It's not a bad habit. But why post before it's ready?
I like its unusual slant (that its not about a person), but time to remake the last line.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
funny. I have no fucking idea whom you are addressing with this one, but it doesn't really matter. ONe asshat is the same as the next.
Trying to figure out why you slammed "My Nemesis", thought maybe you didn't understand the subtlety of the mythology behind it.
Don't listen to him, violetsuede. He likes to win the trust of young ladies with his smooth talk, and then when he gets them alone... WHAM!
PS-What do you mean by Greek mythology, Shuushin?
Dang, gang, gangbang, harangue, slang, tang, [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villain] Krang. www.rhymezone.com
Thats the trick - start with the prepositions and conjunctions; the little words that add little value.
Not saying you don't need some, but its a good place to start in general.
Try deleting every word under three letters then putting them back where absolutely needed.
embersandenvelopes
replying on On the Theme of Melted Pianos by embersandenvelopes
11 Apr 2004, 12:13 AM
which seven? I'm not really satisfied with the last 2 lines but I can't think of anywhere else to go with it.