-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on The Kings of Paradise by Spindle
9 Apr 2004, 5:38 AM
Are you that proud of smoking a marijuana that you have to soil yourself in public like this?
I need cup to my face. striking brown is good. and still the warmth tingles. :)
thank you!
aha! and _push_ the plunger. =) !?
you are right. I need to drop 'act'. we shall see where else you are right. more thought required. :)
oh my dear it is so long... I also think it can be cleaned up, possibly by making the lines more of a standard length... it's jumbly when there's one really long line followed by something so short... however, there is some good imagery and description going on... I think towards the end though all the particulars started to confuse me, I got a little lost up in them instead of the meaning behind the writing...
Supremely bow'ls
I can't believe I've gotten no "guffs" and no irate rants from Zodiac....feeling left out....
o.k......
I imagined like a standard open mike type situation - in this neck of the woods there is at least one every week (did a good one last night - the NH Poet Laureate was there).
Waaaaaay on the other side of the country though. There must be some around there - you're in a hub of civilization fer cryin out loud.
"inner tissue of my soul" seems out of place, though it inspired me to write a short something that I can't post because the guy who runs this place is too much of a nazi and I already posted one thing today. But, moving on--
surronded -> surrounded
overall, this poem reads very awkwardly for me, and doesn't say much new for the path it treads.
I like the last four lines the best.
cute, but a little awkward towards the end.
Should be more. Maybe less. I'm wonderin if maybe this could be combined with the one I just read...