Shuushin
replying on Poetry in action by Bobjim
22 Mar 2004, 5:29 PM
Thats quite a different example/definition.
And if I want to fuck with you. I'll fuck with you, but that's just *way* too easy for my tastes.
good concept, but barely poetry. Too many unneeded words
You call me your N----r and then write a piece like this....extolling the virtues of Beah Richards. Again your work displays a form of hypocrisy that is quite tasteless. Beah was light years ahead of her time...a proud and strong black woman who was an accomplished actress, poet and playwright. I remember seeing her as a kid in âGuess Whose Coming to Dinnerâ. She was class and dignity personified. Anyway, I can see you tried to capture her essence hereâ¦but in the end you fell well short of your mark. In particular, I found your statement about her voice (â the purist colored voiceâ) awkward and ill conceived. You are capable of doing much better than this. â6- on technical meritâ¦..8 on heartfelt emotionâ¦..-7- overall
There LIVES / near the EDGE / of a TOWN,
A GIRL / who I've NE / ver seen FROWN,
Her BEAU / ty un EQualled,
There CAN / be no SEquel,
So, WILL you go OUT / with me NOW? -- feet made of two unaccented syllables followed by an accented syllable are called anapests.
The following is a well-known limerick by Edward Lear. It not only adds extra syllables to 3 & 4 (like yours) but also to 1, 2, & 5:
"There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
Who had the most curious behaviour;
For while he was able,
He slept on a table,
Until he found water beds wavier."
Edward Lear is, by the way, the most famous and prolific limericist ever.
Ten syllables = 5 feet of iambs, which are one unaccented followed by one accented syllable, i.e., but SOFT / what LIGHT / through YON / der WIN / dow BREAKS. Don't fuck with me on this.
I just want to hug you after reading this, and make you eat, it sounds like a trying to save the world anorexic girls story...
sunken eyes and dying in vain... but I give it an 8
*hug*
A good image in the first half, but the logic breaks down somewhere in the glass house.
How is a despair both great and small, or a pain both great and tiny?
I have never seen a down blanket; maybe a quilt.
I see some good images here and feel some pain.
btw - what does he/she say is the correct count?
This is great - the 1st stanza has a little cliche-y sound to it with "moved mountains" and "great white hunter"...maybe use proper names of mountain..."moved an Everest" or something. Oh I don't know. I still like it. 9
lol - I understand - no worries.
The huge poetry poster in our english department agrees with me. I have every confidence in it's creator, and it makes me feel clever.
thats the sorriest definition of iambic or pentameter I've ever heard.
Ah, most sorry to disagree - limericks have no syllable count, just 3 long lines and two short ones in an aabba format.
Who said any of it was unaccented. I like the last bit though, but I think I'll go to my local instead of an Irish pub.
No. If the extra syllable is a two-syllable end-word, it works fine. For example, iambic pentameter is usually defined as ten syllables in an accented-unaccented scheme. But the best, most consistent pentameter writers (Pope comes to mind, and Shakespeare) often add an extra unaccented syllable on the end, as in the first line of Othello, "Tush! ne'er tell me; I take it much unkindly."
The real test will be to take it to an Irish pub, get smashed on pints of warm Guinness, and recite it very loudly. I can assure you it will work.
Syllables in: a limerick my poem
8 8
8 8
5 6
5 6
8 8
Not true.
Technically it's not a limerick. Limericks have one less syllable in the 3rd and 4th lines.
nothin says lovin' like a limerick.