SupremeDreamer
replying on Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme
17 Feb 2004, 11:14 AM
Comment Malfunction- Penile Infection Perhaps?
SupremeDreamer
replying on Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme
17 Feb 2004, 11:12 AM
I wasn't trying to say anything really.. I just looked at it as a "very funny look into the mind of the mentally unstable".
SupremeDreamer
replying on Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme
17 Feb 2004, 11:09 AM
Sabotaging your hard-earned average ranking? Fuckin pussy. :P
SupremeDreamer
replying on Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme
17 Feb 2004, 11:05 AM
I didn't say Jung was obsessed with sex- I intended to say that Jung thought Freud was really talking about sex when he "suggested murder".
But that little snip was an afterthought anyway heh.
Don't forget to pray to my miniature statuette- Remember to say all that you've said in this comment. Thank you.
Thanks for the help. I wil be striving to make haiku rhyme while keeping 5-7-5 form.
Yes, the ancient rome bit was in reference to the resourcefulness of their measurement system.
A metaphor for how everything has a value (spriritual vs mathematic) in itself as knowledge.
Rockmage do you give everything a ten? Even when something is full of cliches, you praise it. Do you have any sense of critical distinction? Does this poem really make you feel the fear, terror etc of the narrator? If it did, it would deserve a ten. But it DOESN'T.
This is loads better, evocative, precise, yearning and not prosaic at all (if still a little verbose).
1. I'm sorry, this poem has contravened that 1997 European Directiev outlawing the rhyming of 'bad/mad/sad' for at least another 4 centuries.
2. Honestly, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Holy crikey this is hard work, like a 21st century Arthur Hugh Clough. I think there's a novelist in you waiting to get out, rather thsn a poet.
Very pretty. I don't get the ancient Rome bit either - is this an erudite allusion? If so, please enlighten us, I'm intrigued!
What I was trying for with 'we are not in ancient rome' was the ingenuity of their measurement system. The mile being a thousand paces, using wheel revolutions to measure length etc.
Measure being a play on measure of someones worth
Well, it's sort of clever and witty, but in the end, does it really say anything worth saying? This feels like it should be a scene in an angst-ridden indie comedy film, like Donnie Darko without the rabbit.
"lifes'" is really "life's". And the stupid stage notes are just... stupid. And I'm not really that into poems about how crazy the author is. Read Catch-22. -10- <to keep you from sabotaging my hard-earned average ranking lol ;=-)> <>
I don't get the "we are not in ancient Rome" line. And it needs punctuation from the previous line. And I just don't get it. You could add another line after to clear that up a little. Until then -9-
Rubbishy rubbish. -0-
Good,
There is a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed in some of your poems but this one steers well clear and is the better for it.
'this crazy brain of mine' is a bit look at me I'm crazy though. And jung? I wasn't aware he was obsessed with sex in the same way freud was.
Your beautiful poemes balmilise themselves onto the page like the precious dumplings of a wine-slick dribbled from the lips of an urchin's loom. Truly, yours is an inner brain gland that has been mulled to the point of ecstasy. -10-
Sort out these commas - you shouldn't have one after Webster, for example. And I'm confused by 'as' - you're not comparing him to anything, you're just making statements. The descriptions are nice though, and so are the rhymes.