vulcan
on Time's End by Quarton
17 Feb 2004, 10:58 PM
10
For making me work -10-
You make me work so hard with your poetry.
I understand dandelions and litter (putting a flowerpot over them for extended cultivation).
and I can *almost* see your connections with the measure, the clock, the stepping; these incremental units.
They are, supposedly, linked somehow. You say "spriritual vs mathematic" - have you been reading Spinoza before bedtime again??? Maybe some Tipler?
I very much like the last stanza - the rest, though nicely said, doesn't say too much that is original.
Almost ironically demeaning it its mundaneness; near satire (would be a more interesting piece from that angle, would it not?)
Btw - have you studied the word "pretty"? It really is noteworthy.
eeenteresting...
Rockmage is one of the all-time great sympathizers. He has sympathized to the point of pure meaninglessness.
Buttery, lovely and locked up. Not unlike my buns!
Hostile to my love.
My dripping facial tumors enjoy this one. They splutter their thanks.
Your keyboard is missing some words.
Good for a one-armer.
How hollow is thine head? Sweetmeats und bread.
Should be reclassified a pimple for the line 'couldn't get your naked bod/ out of my mind'
Had me rolling around.
Put an extra verse as the poem did not state the girl was making daisy chains on the grass, still.
'we are not in ancient rome' 'with chains and feet'? (two roman measures).
bow'ls
bow'ls
I can take criticism just fine, but when someone says I'm being unoriginal, I'd like them to back it up in some way so that I know they aren't simply talking out of their shit-tube. And also so I can avoid being "unoriginal".
Btw, your last statement pretty much makes my point about your comment being an act of retaliation.. So I don't think I need to get over myself.. but you do!!!
Have a nice day.
Get over yourself bud, this has nothing to do with your feeble review of my poem, I just didn't like this. Found it boring, and contrived. It is obvious you can not take any type of criticism, but you sure can dish it out.
ach - don't misunderstand me, please.
no rhyming -
and 5-7-5 is purely up to you. There is a long history of haiku that is worth researching, suffice to say, what most folks post as "haiku" - aint.