clumseYdaiseY
replying on i'm falling for u damnit! by clumseYdaiseY
29 Jan 2004, 8:34 PM
what's yer problem?may i guess?
Your poems are about homosexual jews licking the chrome off of America.
This is actually a better poem than your non-pimple poems. How'd you do that?
No.
nothings imperfect about this to me
You did what i can't do, write a good hate poem without rhyming *clap clap*
Great one here...reminds me of the struggle in the early days when women are trying to find their voices and be heard and be given the chance to depend not only themselve but the world as well.
Great Tennyson. I'm reading Tennyson right now, and you do him very well. Do you know Ms Parker's great 'Penelope'? Also - I wish you would read my last post, as I was trying to do some Tennyson myself and would like to see what you think.
I guess they're already gone. She was doing her respond-to-everything schtick.
push CLS comments off which page? I'm confused--she has no comments here, oder?
Woopee, I'm learning to edit! This is a monumental achievement for me, and why I came here to hang out after getting spanked on eratosphere.
As far as I'm concerned it improves with each repost. I'm sorry I called it a pimple. Much of this really appeals to me - but if I write more, I'm afraid I'll push CLS/Lydia evelyn's darling comments off the page. Mayhap later.
I stole the two unders from myself! (Taller Girl)
I hesitated to use BMW, then opted for verisimilitude. All taxis in Germany are BMW's. I originally had "The pale car..", maybe I'll go back to that.
on the path is probably better, I will take that advice.
you don't like black night of the sky is moving to indigo?!! Damn. I will think about that, maybe I can find something better.
Question: do you think his made up dream for her is cheesy enough, or should it be cheesier, to make the point more? and is it clear that when he's imagining her face in the sand he starts to see her as a giant octopus, or should I just say it?
hmmm, i don't like 'dupe'
but you're right, 'moron' definitely throws off the meter
so, based on your comment, are you in the south?
8 for getting better. Also 8 for not being your best.
God no. 5500 hits on google :)
Interestingly, though, few dictionaries cite the verb form.
But it's heavily used in swords & sorcery novels, romance novels and cheesy porn stories. "His lips quirked" is a stock cliche in all three of those genres.
And 'quirking'. That's really something. Did you steal it?
The two unders in the first stanza is daring. I don't know whether to call you on it. (And so far, this is a carbon copy of my planned next post, which will now in the spirit of difference be a jaunty silly ballad of Hero and Glorianne.) Also in st.1 the German motor gets by, but the BMW in the next sentence stops me cold. You can't reintroduce the car like that. In st.2 I feel like 'by the path' is a little weird. I know what you're saying, but 'On the path' sounds better to me. Don't ask why. And 'The black night of the sky' is just wrong. Those things aside, I liked it. Evocations of sleeplessness on really late nights just tickle my spleen.
Moron is not the right word. Around here they pronounce it with two syllables - which is astonishing, considering they pronounce everything else with as few as possible. Maybe 'dupe' would work?
i really liked this, but felt like it was only an opening to a much longer piece
i was definitely left wanting more, and not in a good way
still, very nicely worded