-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on I Go On by drumrgirl30
27 Jan 2004, 7:57 AM
An oozing codpiece of ignorance.
this is beautiful. i went into thinking oh god a lullaby, but you surprised me.
spiders and pills, spiders and pills.
10
Afraid I could not work out the last two lines. Which is a shame because the poem built up well.
Drumrgirl30, step outside of yourself and consider: When a child whines, why does it whine? Because it feels an emotion or desire or hurt that is extremely important to it, and it feels a strong urge to communicate that emotion to others. And how do people respond to whining children? Do they ever respond positively? Do you?
Why is this? -- it's because learning more constructive responses to pain than whining is an important part of development. As true in poetry, whatever level you're at, as life.
Whining won't ever get you a positive response from fellow poetry writers, any more than whining works in life. It may garner you accolades from your fellow angst-ridden teenagers, but your better off communicating with them in a blog, not here. Here you will just be mocked. Why? again, consider life. What's the best way to quickly train a child not to whine? Mockery and derision. Perhaps cruel, but it works.
This does not mean it is forbidden to express personal pain in poetry. Au contraire. We're all gluttons for creatively expressed deep down trauma hound pain. We simply have more sophisticated tastes in our consumption of angst than the sound of a whining child. This isn't snobbery, but the built-in instinctive human reaction to whining.
neither I do?
The war bit and the pills bit look as if they shouldn't be there. Otherwise nicely told
there is a sound to irony, and this is not far off.
I'm sorry about the worst list. I don't think anyone can be replaced on it now because the poems aren't ranked the same way these days, and they cycle through the 20 most recent too fast. And there's rockmage's 10s. If it makes you feel better, we never try to interpret your poems. We are mostly responding to Lenore's comments along the line of "you...miss the point by roughly nine light-years" and others, by which he marks himself as a different sort of animal.
I like that it is a non-typical angle on the life of a tree; futility rather than growth and life (the same thing, perhaps).
What about changing the last "trees" to a specific kind of trees? Don't do willow - too "done".
Alternatively, maybe a specific *part* of a tree (trunks, roots, branches...).
anyway, I like what you have, more so for the different perspective.
interesting rhymes and near-word reflections. It struck me (not harshly) more as an exercise, albeit a good one, rather than a poem that can stand on its own; a little too much of one trick in the pony-beast.
Having said all that - this beast is a sestina fer crying out loud, and one of the more cogent ones I've read in a while so; huge kudos for that. Nice job.
I understand that, and think poems should stand completely alone, which your poems, Dark Angel, usually do. As far as you having a bunch of meaning in your poems I cut you (or one of you, anyway,) a lot of slack because you are as they say a prophet of old, and Naughty. Lenore is neither Naughty nor a prophet. He's asking to be ranked by Mature standards.
I think it would be a grand percent better without the "without delay" - as it is, its fairly good and I can see it working very well at a poetry reading.
yes, i know :)
actually since my poetry seems to offend your delicate senses, its probably a good thing that i dont write very often. The 2 poem i have on here were written years ago. I only posted them to see what others might think. I knew there would be reviews such as yours & others. But since you dont believe that poetry is about thoughts or feelings, please enlighten me as to what poetry really is, in your opinion
thank-you for your advise...however, if i did that it would not be MY poem anymore, but merely words taken from someone else. :)
If you think tusks are better than husks then I feel sorry for you.
An interesting concepton the notion of breaking wind.
It is all a philosophy.
Now there's a mystery. Which -=Dark_Angel=- deleted James's reply? Was it Matthew or James? I think we should be told!!111