richa
on O Death by lastobelus
2 Jan 2004, 12:43 PM
The parenthesesed part is pointless.
And the poem is kind of messy. Other than that very good.
I hope this doesn't get missed. I'm gonna take a few reads before I vote.
Yup. That's the way the nut sac singes.
It must be a terrible nightare not to be loved.
Wake up know your time has come.
well that was just to long jack.but i liked it till
i fell asleep...........
I get the feeling the message is opaque and personal (or maybe I'm just dense), but I like the imagery.
Thanks for the comment. I wanted to capture that feeling of "willing vulnerability," as you put it. It's incredible how much a person can change once they find someone who is right for them. The moment when other people began to notice the glow in my face served as the inspiration to write this.
Interesting syntax in the first couple of lines...I found myself wanting more of it. Still, very nice...I haven't heard such a pleasant, concise description of the willing vulnerability of love in some time.
I like erotic and/or romantic poetry like this, but it seems to me it would flow better if you wouldn't punctuate so often in the middle of a line where there is no grammatical need. Example: "What your love does to me" instead of "What your love, does to me." It certainly is hot and sweaty and breathes heavily, though, and I like that.
lol 8th more like it. - I'll try harder next time. I do admit, that one was only wipped up in mere minutes...
thanks, I'll try that
Also, take the time to read comments on other poems you read. If something a writer said sparks your interest, follow it. The best part of poemranker is not necessarily the most recent poems posted. Roam the back halls. Study the graffiti. no vote
Extra points for knowing what a Manatee is. Almost a high school grad, eh? look around. Write better. This is beneath your ability.
Valium works better.
did i just deleted the comments?
electroman1979
on I like to annoy people with my new digital camera by DavetheRave
1 Jan 2004, 9:11 PM
good poem
yeah...like that is so original--3
very interesting and hilarious. i would like to meet the handsome poet though--10
obviously, your idea of "sharp" is blunt and full of squishy fat? I thought it was sharp and full of tough material. I would of liked a plain four better than a four AND a smart remark...