<{Baba^Yaga}>
on My Soul is Stopping by somemorepoetry
18 Dec 2003, 9:01 PM
My soul is eating a corn dog and contemplating the hexlet.
i have just been educated
Here's that morning star track, by the way. Merry christmas freak and have a safe one.
reminds me of camping at the beach.
I miss that . 9
My soul is shopping.
Yes he is. He once wrote a poeme with "Belgium" in the title and some people mocked it, much to his dismay. I daresay he has decided to vent his fury on the nearest Belgian thing... which happens to be you. Catch you later in funky town.
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
Stop, hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down.
Duke called that man a gay
Some day soon he'll make him pay
You betta stop, children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down.
(From "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield)
This is very expressive and I can relate on many levels. Keep it up! -10-
What are those #'s after your name for?
some deleted user
on Crystal Lane Swift? Today is your crucifixion. by DreamerSupreme
18 Dec 2003, 12:42 PM
Jesus is watching over Pranker you know CLSwift if you can hear me.
This is fantastic, you have a great deal of talent...
Line 1: "I smell a strong smell of coffee"
This is a stupid line. Of course you smell a SMELL of coffee. You can't smell anything other than a SMELL. So to say you smell a SMELL of coffee is like saying "I tasted a taste", or "I felt a feeling", or "I dreamt a dream". You should have written something like "A strong smell of coffee fills my heart with brownful lust"
Line 2: "floating around the air in here"
Again redundancy. If you can smell a smell of coffee, it's obvious that the smell is floating around in the air because smells can only be transmitted to the nose glands via a gaseous medium. You should have left this line out.
Line 3: "I am craving for coffee"
Sounds awkward. You should have said something like "Oh precious bean! Why do you tempt me so!?"
...
Line 14: "I want the taste in my mouth"
Do you, indeed? I want the taste in my ear.
Line 21: "Why can't I crave for coffee?"
I don't understand this line at all. I thought the whole point in this poeme was that you DO crave for coffee. I can understand you craving coffee but, for whatever reason, being unable to drink it. But unable to crave it? That's just crazy talk.
Overall: A good try! I'm sure you'll be an excellent poete in no time!!!!!1111
may the force b with ya little bum 2:o) cause Frodo hath already put off the war of the ages pass whilst he hath done his frolic in the mount of doom...just as dare gather our bundles and hang our socks fr the Christmas come...HO ho n a lota cheers 2 ya all on Christmas that tumbles to ye door front...I give ya'll a wonderful years End 2....
hello richa - sad that i didnt ya, but the trainer ws pokin her nose abt so i got it down as it came 2 me n put it down on the site.
Yet smote be i fr not taking time to reflect...cheers:o)
of which i hope u hv the total sum 2, cause i have it all n much more:o)
A journal is perfect for spewing out that emotional goo..
Or you can turn that goo into something that atleast resembles a poem.. which would require some "imagination"..
Then theres the heavy sarcasm and cynical approach, which atleast offers the possibility of inciting an occasional chuckle.
If all else fails, go hug your school counselor? SHED LOVE TO SEE YOUR JOURNAL *cough* I mean "poems"...