kingit
on My by alverland theme park
26 Nov 2003, 7:12 AM
emotions 2 opium, the sisters panties tumble down- just assked her
disappointing...r u one of those multi-monickered ones?
.....four content, deductions four sp. abiguities
Here's 2 for typing and rhyming. Who's the imbecile calling this pile of croc shit a demonstration of the understanding of different cultures?
What a bunch of shit, that bachus has writ.
To those arses out there, about to or had read this crap - Hope u give it a freaking zero cause this piece is just JUST not me:o), if you know what the hack i mean
Ps: INTRANSIT i know u gonna pee like that dog, once u read this. Hope u do, but tell me abt it cause then ill know id have done something worthwhile:o)
INTRANSIT
on I told Mr. Haiku that actions speak louder than words by Y2kSlamPoet
26 Nov 2003, 6:05 AM
...here's your sign.....
This I dedicate to my friend, Babe, who had asked me why I did not write Love poetry, whence we first met â To her in reply I now say, Love poetry sound like a dog that peeâonto the hydrant; water to the water with a little more taste. Hence something I refrain of to save the gray matter for a better use.
Hope you (Babe) like My Love Letter, it just a simple mumboJumbo framed into a weaker appeal of a rhyme.
Like Bruce Lee jumping out of a cherry blossom.
Man I'd hate to be trailer trash.
second that
F.u.b.a.r = fucked up beyond all recognition.
A pity only I have read this. I had prepeared an analytical critique on your poem but you probably wouldn't comprehend it so I will not waste my time in bothering.
Well seems u have an affinity for daydreams and eye contest with the winged variety perched atop poles. Hope the fella deprives you of its droppings.
The stream of your words is grand till & after the verse âto this cross in timeâ
(mind, am not pointing fingers and saying its bad nor worse, but inferring it could be better) cause it give me pause to ponder a little of what you might have had in mind & what deviation from intent it had had.
But I find no cause not to relate this with a 10.
Ps, appreciate ya comments on my pieces â its critics like u I want & nothing like the friends that point a 10 & be content, as I be smiling my arse off, thinking the grand designs wrought by me hands. Just be honest & state you mind as u have in past. For it, I am & will be ever glade.
SupremeDreamer
replying on Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
26 Nov 2003, 12:45 AM
The title alone warned you.. atleast I knew it was going to be another delightful comic script: (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines)
It's not as if you weren't given a clue?
Shuushin
replying on Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
25 Nov 2003, 10:35 PM
Forgive me if I appear to in anyway malign the long, proud history - dating back to 9:22AM, May 22, 2001, of these fantasmical, comical cartoon scripts. This, kind sir, was not my intention.
When faced with such a conglomeration of compacted text - intelligent and coherent though it may be, my eyes begin to glaze over with the dust of struggling comprehension and I feel my eyes tilting backward into my head such that they threaten to fall into my lungs, one per each. I seek the relative comfort of shorter sentences; fewer words, and cadence that is provided by poetryâs light verse in order to calm my simplistic and smoooth brain.
I wish sometimes that in addition to "sonnet", "lyric", "sestina", etc. - we might also have "prose" - so that I may be spared the verbal onslaught that such a[n] glorious festival such as is displayed above and therefore avoid the discomfort afforded to my fragile constitution.
SupremeDreamer
replying on Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
25 Nov 2003, 9:48 PM
Prose? these poetic cartoon scripts started long ago- before I sprouted into an inkstained underling, why back then, I was not even a green-crusted seedling!!
Tis a long standing tradition now- rankerfolk have witnessed such pieces being unveiled by many rankelders, underlings, prawnes- flyin fucktoads!? theres too many characters to name since its gone on so long.
And now proserankers shall cherish the skit-tree born'n'rooted by our kind? Those bastards haven't even been moulded or green-crusted!!! UNWORTHY would-be-maybes? blasphemy!!! such profane suggestion is enough to bring about the coming of DarkFeather and his league of nude poopdeck-prawnes to spread the embrowning. BE SHAMED YOUR WRETCHED SPOKESMAN OF RANKER'PEN-SINS!!
interesting.
I have pause with this bit:
"This fathom
My fathom underneath " - was this intentional; the abruptness and lack of punctuation with the next line capped makes me scratch my head.
the line with edible dirt has a very nice impression to it.
not sure what to make of this one, but generally I'm the happier for it.
have a sideways infinity (and yes, I have that line in something already)
-8-
SupremeDreamer
on Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
25 Nov 2003, 9:03 PM
reminds me of DA's "Gilded Stumps of Olde"
but less of the baffle humor.. well, cmon now- its hard to beat stuff like:
"beating a blindfolded slave about the pate with his left badmington racket, all the while lubricating him with a greased parson's nose."
But you nearly matched that when you mentioned the turtle and rusted plumbing.
should write up confrontation between Corp. Shin Shines & Captain Gaybrush Threepchoad- I'd pay to read it lol.
Blessed with 8.
Shuushin
on Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
25 Nov 2003, 8:59 PM
Catchy character names, to be sure, and it should do well on www.proseranker.com.
Well, They seem to say the same thing, one and two.
Save two for something else. The animals don't strike quite the chord themusical terms do.