DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Intersection

Member since 2002 · Posted 19 Nov 2003 · Edited 5 Nov 2004 · 11 comments

I spot a hawk perched atop a stop sign. He probes my poll as I slow my approach to this cross in time. We gaze on gaze and weigh the ways our brains behave, I and this birdly friend of mine. When we brake our stare he takes to the air and I to my grinding line.

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mean 8.50 weighted 5.94 rank 1391 views 305 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

11 comments

[n/a] Bill Z Bub 19-Nov-03/9:31 AM Reply

Nifty. But I don't get "he probed my poll". I'm sure its just me.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › Bill Z Bub 19-Nov-03/12:45 PM Reply

admittedly, the assonance is a bit forced. Poll is also the top of the head.

[8] Shuushin 20-Nov-03/7:51 AM Reply

I don't understand a few parts of it, but I like how flows and how it comes together at the end.

-8-

[n/a] INTRANSIT › Shuushin 20-Nov-03/9:44 AM Reply

Talk to me , sir S. When I fall short of a dozen, it always makes me ask why.

[8] Shuushin › INTRANSIT 20-Nov-03/11:24 AM Reply

the poll reference, previously mentioned.

gazing on gaze.

grinding line, if anything specific.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › Shuushin 20-Nov-03/2:50 PM Reply

the hawk was looking at the top of my head(poll) or "sizing me up"

gaze on gaze-- looked each other in the eye

grinding line-- straight ground transportation.

but do these things warrant a higher score? I know I shouldn't base everything on this rating chart, it's just convenient.

10-Q

[10] SupremeDreamer 25-Nov-03/3:10 PM Reply

Hrmm. well, its choppy flow suits it.. but that second gaze.. Perhaps phase? ;/ oi.

Well, I'm known to braze- but today I flicker and smoke. Its very raw stuff, good though; it has room to form itself, and even change colors like a cameleon.

I'll save my vote for now, second and third looks will probly change my outlook on it. much fun to be had with this piece.

[10] ShaNoN+960317485 26-Nov-03/1:37 AM Reply

Well seems u have an affinity for daydreams and eye contest with the winged variety perched atop poles. Hope the fella deprives you of its droppings.
The stream of your words is grand till & after the verse âto this cross in timeâ
(mind, am not pointing fingers and saying its bad nor worse, but inferring it could be better) cause it give me pause to ponder a little of what you might have had in mind & what deviation from intent it had had.
But I find no cause not to relate this with a 10.
Ps, appreciate ya comments on my pieces â its critics like u I want & nothing like the friends that point a 10 & be content, as I be smiling my arse off, thinking the grand designs wrought by me hands. Just be honest & state you mind as u have in past. For it, I am & will be ever glade.

[8] kingit 26-Nov-03/8:55 AM Reply

probe my pole, i dig yer hole

[10] nentwined 5-Nov-04/9:17 PM Reply

hello again. :)

[9] edpeterson 6-Nov-04/6:05 AM Reply

I always love birds in poetry. The madness they suggest, the wings, the beaks, the smears they leave on your pole.

bullshit aside, I really loved the last stanza, brake the stare is a bit cutesy, but doesn't really detract, for me anyway...and i think grinding line could be clearer or simpler or something but am without suggestions.

i don't like atop in the first. why not just on.

in the second, probes my poll....probes is a suggests something more intrusive than what is actuall going on, though that is not really a problem if that is what you mean...the bird is intruding, perhaps? Keep your pole to yourself.

the third is nice with the repetition, but "friend" seems... i don't know. if it were my poem, i would let the reader decide for him or herself whether the bird was friend, foe or other.