I like a poem that saves itself until the last line. Anyway, it's a very good <i>idea</i> for a poem. I think it could become really good. Try redoing it a half-dozen ways and see what works? My $.02.

Six degrees of thesaurus?

o0

80% of the stuff here is worse...

Not a poem.

Hope you feel better, Roisin.

Eschew surplusage.

Blech.

I don't think "an" was ever appropriate before a G. You are perhaps generalizing from the way "an" before "h" is archaic and fussy. It just sounds wrong here.

how can you honestly give it one at least give me feedback

definitely a good idea. it could be better but then again couldn't everything

i totally get the feeling you are conveying. there are some cliches like sheep, etc. but the poem is well composed

The flow of the poem is very good. i really enjoyed reading it

FUCK FUCK FUCK you fist fuck ur loose ass you sniffling bitch. go get some clusure from princess diana who gives a fuck. you cunt from down the street wanting a free ride. bitch wore cry to ur fatha. NIGLET BITCH. your poems SUCK SUCK SUCK harder then you do.

Some times people that cannot follow god's ways and cannot stop themselves must be broken. Then you can follow him wholey. God is always willing and there. What god do you know?

Hilarious and somewhat bitter. Ten.

Jesus loves you.

15/35 = 3/7