Geschäftsreise
on sitting at the cliff's edge by nentwined
15 Sep 2003, 12:04 AM
Normally I avoid sentimentality (especially in poetry), but this poem must be good because it reminded me of the once upon a time upon a cliff's edge (I hope you will not be insulted by a crude harmony to your melody):
sitting at the cliff's edge,
I muse
that there is where I went
with my lover
when lover she was
and we could imagine ourselves alone
but for a horse
A fitting chaperone
for this lonely castle wall.
and alone we'd be together and together
the world would fade
and all that would be was the two of us
and the rocks and the sea and a hundred gulls
mocking our affection
and now the rocks and sea and windy gusts
only in my thoughts remain
and dying these dreams
(or close enough)
but one remains
(or close enough)
to be near that edge,
(or close enough)
I long for you and Scotland.
I woose more weaders that way...
What are salesmen? Chopped liver, perhaps?
Thanks for the comments. I'm not trying to express a truth, especially not a truth applicable in all circumstances. And I do think words convey, while arguments persuade. However, I too was less than satisfied with persuade/convey, but it works better than the alternatives I've come up with so far.
well, there's always the "alms" link at the top ;) ;) ;)
but no, just using the site is good for me. :) hey, I enjoyed reading the poem. (and that's after going through a dozen 2-4's on the "recent" list (skipping the babel because I didn't have the time to unbabel it)
hmm. shouldn't be here talking. should be either asleep or working on the thing I convinced myself I was going to do before sleeping. ;)
Thanks. Now where's that emoticon for 'I'm honored'?
I couldn't agree more with your sentiment (my babelfish poetry may entertain you if you feel this way).
However if I were to focus on your phrasing I would say that words can and are meant to persuade as well as convey. Otherwise what are salesmen?
But the last stanza is gorgeous, and even more than that - it is a passionate truth.
Actually, I really like the first and third (last) stanzas. I think it would stand more strongly without the second. But I really like it. :)
Okay. I try some more. Had a 4th stanza in mind anyway, so it's not over yet.
Not sure what this means: "ending in you, still.." A sixth line at the end?
Perhaps, your under appreciated servant spiked your mineral oil with 'love', and you just can't feel it. get it, because your spinal chord is severed, and you are pissed at the wrong guy. try your past life or god karma boy.
This reminds me of a conversation I once dreamed about.
fade in: Jeremi's head one night long ago...
Jeffrey Dahlmer - hey? are you going to eat that tongue?
Ed Gein -- no, but pass me my mother, she's under the patte.
Jeffrey Dahlmer - next week could you cook my gay frail nigger jew in olive oil and basil. I believe the corn oil that you've been using to fry with has been giving my scrotum a bit of a rash.
Ed Gein -- well, perhaps you should quit trying to stuff his femur up your ass?
And there you have it. I AM THE BLACK. FUCK YOUR KETTLE.
cute.
What was last time? Impersonal? Bring it on.
Ha, that's where you're wrong my friend. We are the same, but opposite. You are a learned English cripple chortling a full 35 hours a week to my twenty five on the ranker. While I'm a rogue American cripple. But you are physically challenged, while I am spiritually and mentally crippled. What we have in common is "in this frail life line of ours" in order to pull it all off with is the fiction underneath the truth, because, you know as well as I do they are the same before and after the deed is done. Money buys time. I love time. We both use our insatiable need for time and self mutilation via internet and other invisible worlds because, we 'just fucking can'. Period. Why not, I mean you have Mommy's money to burn you spoon fed ancient twat, and I have my cock earned green backs. We are both handicapped and escaping, daily, so drink a nice warm cup of piss and honey, lover, call the servant into finger bang the last hole on you still with a voice, and shut the fuck up.
10
you must be watching to much tv again.
It's called a fucking 'curb' you pompous twig with a bald spot. be blushing pre-grovel, but we're not. I would be careful though if i were you, one day, you might just get your wish. Unfortunately, i would just get up off of the 'curb' laugh (while spitting a mouthful of shattered bone and teeth in your face) then gum you death. P.s. For Christmas this year? i bought your favourite pressed tan slacks a pair of blinkers, for when you turn. ha ha ha. Simpleton. Sit and spin you fucking sorey spineless chirp.
liked it.. 10
moon is good.. ending sucks.. ending in you, still..
chop it up, still.. 10
good.. 10