richa
on maternal-infant bonding (rejection) by SupremeDreamer
11 Sep 2003, 12:34 PM
like this,
kind of rough, remorseless talking to the reader.
like punk/ like beat.
good this,
the last verse does get a little rantish, I do like the last line, kind of forelorn I think.
Hey Wankchops it is Sept 11th and yes I have written and posted a Haiku just as 1000s did shortly after the event happened. Your poetry is a tragedy every day of your life how do you live with yourself?
Thanks for the tips Joe. I was actually planning on revising all of these works while writing some new stuff. Most of my current pieces are from last year when I was recovering from addictions. Once I was clear minded enough to complete a full sentence, I needed to expell these negative energies. Now it's time to revise and polish.
This is actually surprisingly good for a poem not written by me. The last verse gets a bit poncey, but the last line makes up for it.
Wow! I'd never have guessed that someone was going to write a poem about 11th september today! That was completely unforseeable! Your unpredictability is to be truly praised! Who'd have thought that a poem about the desruction of the world trade centre would be posted on the exact aniversery of its occurrence? An amazing but original coincidence!
The rant rated a 2, but the senryu gets 7.
Formatted correctly and done with a dash of modern - i liked it - 8
I always respect your opinions Nicholas.
Also being half welsh (Pontyclon) I urge all Finnish people on poemranker to politely leave this site.
Nicholas, we don't need bullshit like this in the world and as someone who hails himself as interested in politics I am surprised you cannot see the point of this senyru. It is not intended to be funny, or anti semetic, and it certainly is not bullshit. The avaricious corporations are already circling like vultures waiting and hoping to build companies on ground zero. This is a cynical viewpoint of that. I have nothing against Jews but at the end of the day they are dominant in ALL business interests from fabrics to weaponry which is fu***g ironic because after what happened to them they should know better.
My brother Cad is pissed at me for posting this but that's his problem. Freedom of speech is the greatest gift those who died have left in their legacy and I'm sick and tired of seeing and hearing all the bullshit from 'kipper' politicians like George Bush.
I mourn the dead americans, british, afghans, and a day will come soon when Hollywood pay George Cloonet 5 million bucks to wipe out the long beards in atonement for sept 11th, its called profit and it sucks like a crack whore.
On this day yes, God Bless America and may God forgive all of us fat assed militant mouthed, silver spoon fed do fuck all's who sit whining as the World is fucked over by us.,
Man's progress is all of ours decline.
This is not clever, not funny, but anti-semitic. We don't need bullshit like this on poemranker.
JB,
Your work is interesting. You obviously have a lot of passion and feeling. This comes across powerfully in your work. There are lines as well as ideas here that are fabulous...they fit into the context of the poems theme and flow nicely. Unfortunately there are other lines that seem to be remotely related to your theme and forced in terms of rhythm and rhyme. This cheapens your work..which has the potential to be quite good. Also I notice that most of your work has a short cadence about it. Its sometimes choppy. I'd also consider shortening this piece. But as I said, there are parts that I really liked. Joe-Joe
Sheepish mount - Don Quixote almost. I never thought I'd see basic military training in a poem like this either.
Yeah! lets hear it for the subs!! My dad was captain of HMS Superb as it kicked shit out of the Taleban!!!
0... nothing...
ah the pain ah...uha..aaaaaaaaaa..-0
I am also a F.R.O.G.
My own buttocks are perfectly fine where they are, thankyou.
This poeme is plagiarised.
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
haha, yeah that will save the day! Let's ALL get our buttocks amputated.
That's my real name as it appears on my birth certificate, I'll have you know.