J.B. Manning
on Failure by Nicholas Jones
8 Sep 2003, 11:26 AM
Interesting. I wonder if you could expand this. Or add more lines, more feeling, more examples. It seems like there is so much more to it. Pretty good though.
I like the message, but I want to say that it could be massaged a bit. I think you already have a good sense of the rhythm you want for this poem, but it seems a little...unedited maybe. I do like it, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to suggest some improvement because I think it's well deserved and would make this piece so much better. It has potential.
aw, look, Darky's wishfully thinking again, hoping to find a soul mate. Come over here Darky, I'll let you play with my crucifix dildo. It's LOVELY, vibrates in three speeds. :-)
The imagry is wonderful, the passion deadly, and the verse completely beautiful. 10 from me my friend. May I aspire to your skill.
My tastebuds swoon in anticipation, where to find these tasty morsels?
I think so too, not being a God willing man myself. Where would you suggest? Somewhere to maintain the passion of the question...
That was great. Well-written and descriptive. Loved the biblical allusions. Need an apostrophe in "township's rails" (6th stanza). 10
Thank you Tadpole, Your response proves that I hit my mark. Much appreciated.
Joe's just pissed cuz I dissed his weak ass poetry. That and he hates men who like sex with men because he confuses it with his father having sex with him. Not the same thing Joe, sorry. Get over it, it's in the past...move on...you're special...REALLY. No body thinks less of you for enjoying your fathers questing interest in you. :-)
sounds like you need to get some new glasses ;)
*laughing* I love it. 10
I'm not much of one to judge sonnets.. but it was interesting... I liked it. Paints the story quite clearly.
Thanks for the comment. I've been working to get better. I'm a spotty writing. Some of its good... and well some of its real shit. Think its like that for most everyone.
I'm thinking you needed to get away from the âaveâ its meant for cruising. This poem... well its a bruising on the eyes. I can rhyme. Look Iâm a poet and didnât know it maybe I should publish a book.
Yes my comment is as bad as the poem. *does a little dance*
You can really say anything you like about this poem, and poetry is all about emotions. And you can use your big word to try and degrade as many ppl and too be honest if you died there probably wouldn't be as much to write. You obviously not a man of compasion, I just wanted a piece of my sister to go on since she really didn't have a cat in hells chance of doing so for herself.
But then again everyone is entitled to there opinion, so i appreciate you comment. liv
It's better as a single piece, of course. My only real complaint is your over-use of "ly" words. Apply that creativity to finding new adverbs!
Good work.
Sorry I didn't see a heart. I thought it was a female torso (...coming apart in my hands).
I think only the last line is legitimate "pimple". "...through tainted eyes" is too aware to be pimple but, that line makes for a better poem overall.
Splendid.
Why thank you. It's refreshing to learn that my genius is appreciated.