sliver
on #2 Entry from Chico, a stalker on Pico, Jason Bigg's lobster by <{Baba^Yaga}>
3 Sep 2003, 7:26 AM
Chico has issues big ones
I don't know about erotic, but it's a great song. She always makes good music eh?
Not too shabby, I especially like the third stanza, the scooter...
hrmm..you found this one erotic??
cute. nice ascii crosses.. i bet settle is going to do one with jesus on it, bleeding and all that in response.
Did your church pat you on the back for reciting this poem? did you manage not to have a random bowel movement and get all red in the face because no one likes lethal gas being expelled in a place of holy worship, nor brown gravy dripping on the altar?
--end of jokes meant to insult--
overall 7. consult settle for better ascii crosses.
... did he pinch your cock with his teeth? ow.. tsk.. sexton, sometimes you post poems i like, other times, you just get me wondering if you were droped alot when your were a baby. but thats ok. 3
a drop of water doesnt relieve most peoples thirst.
do you see that the value is covered by many bells and whistles?
Your persistent in saying the message is clear.. it isnt. its fuzzy. damn it, i told you! im not alone.
And you must work more intensely if you want your poems to be called "didactic" or worthy of being considered something that teaches. I DEMAND ELBOW GREASE!
Teachers are sposed to make things clear, or atleast get the students to think.
I think writing to teach is not easy to do, because we arent talking about science or math with direct facts, etc. We are talking opinion, metaphysics, philosophy, etc, which do not have direct concrete -FACTS-.. a better goal is to make people THINK, and to write poems with a subtle direction considering what the reader will ponder about.
but thats just my opinion.
oh yeah, "nobody comes" should be:
nobody stays.
because you did go there.. but were sent away... z mentioned that.. bleh.
short and simple. i also think the inversion suggestion should be utilized.
though, im not sure about the message.. my first thought is:
"god does not forgive. he is also sadistic, and left jesus in heaven alone."
anyway, heres a 7.
Hrmm. blessed with 7. Do you only write erotic poetry btw?
nice revised edition. 9.
i learned the hard way to spellcheck and read over my work before posting. so i posted alot of poems with bad spelling, grammar, and wierd sentences. many poets came and used this to punch me in the face a few times. Evolving, i donned an iron mask. But i still get pains when i chew my food now and then.
You like making strange bedfellows, don't you.
ahh yea..i havent had the chance to iron it out.. i was feeling too giddy while writing this.. a work on impulse so hard to revise. thanks..
I can dig the comma. I wanted (hair) to rhyme with (there),I was trying a more subtle rhyme with this. I see what you're saying though. I'll play with it.
Oh looky! No more onesies-twosies! I must be gaining the respect of someone with pertinance. Ha! OW! damn that coffee's hot!
Dark-Angel Quote:
"If you really do not care what anyone thinks about your poem, then why have you posted it on a website where people rate poetry?"
yeah, iris. WHY? i say it when im just avoiding things or just answering in a need to chirp. You seem dead serious. tsk. that doesnt look good, really man. ;)
um.. ok.. some things here are included to add that "wow.." which doesnt make me go "wow..".
6.
SupremeDreamer
replying on There are only wolves, and sheep, and moon dance by Jeremi B. Handrinos
3 Sep 2003, 3:22 AM
yeah.. i have memories of my mother asking me if i see those spirits behind me.
-i turn around- what are you saying mamman?
theres one behind you, theres another siting right beside you as well.. you cant see them?
No.
I can.