horus8
replying on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus
23 Aug 2003, 7:05 AM
Absolutely, it would be my honor.
I know you thought you were gonna see some gore, but no.. i cheated you! just to be an asshole. ;)
Horus : that was so kind of you.
With your permisson can i post it as 'Aphrodite (horus8 version)
You too have stuck to the story with a different twist and greek mythology is wicked don't you think.
line 3 is so cool as is 2/8/9/10 and the crescendo says a lot about fate and i can think of 3 or 4 metaphors for the last line.
Inspired.
"I took a bite" really? did she kick you in the face afterwards? lol.
heres a 9.
I NEVER KNEW HOW FUN IT IS TO KILL TILL NOW! ITS FUCKING WONDERFULL! I FEEL LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS!
did Mr. Giggles like that? ;)
horus, you bastage, i know its you.
no reason to fight the darkness - how do you propose to do this? i know!!! A FLASHLIGHT!!
oooo i see two lover birds makin out!! quick, lars get the camera will ya??? i want to capture this moment for eternity!!
ok, good, i like the first draft, but we must consider:
GETTING RID OF THE CANDY COATED SUGAR FILLING!!!.. lots of shit here is not needed.
Hear it sing, <--- this was filler..
closer <--- inserted just to sound cool? bad bad bad!!!
This [dark] night {everything} [existing] feels right.
[Allowing it to concurâ¦]
{} means: it might be better to get rid of it.
[] means: TRASH IT!!
man, the way im going, your poem will be a tap dancin midget!!! night is always dark bozo, ive been out of my house during the evenins ya know@!
[Allowing it to concurâ¦] wtf? stop being fancy, if your going to be, atleast do it right!!!
i think you get my overall message.. i hope..
good, open up more! be brave, be silly, be fucking idiotic at times.. stumble around the field like a mad man.. youll learn alot about the grass that way.
im not obsessed with murder at the moment.. maybe one day i will, but not this month.
-frown- i hate it when you just jump out of nowhere and deliver a kick my nuts.. ouch.
uh.. cmon now REMEMBER THE DICTIONARY MAGIC???? EHHH??
lesion:
Any break in the skin or an organ caused by violence or surgical incision
uh oh? rilke, cmon now.. do your research before yappin!!!
*sigh*.. yeah the story shit didnt cut it, im experimenting with this way of writing and i realize: its time to move on.
hey, girlie, you going to tap dance anytime soon?
try it? i lived it, and maybe you should read horus's Gordian Knot.. trust me girlie, just because shit happens in life doesnt mean you should whimper and cry about it.. check out Maman: Psychic Tophet.. i didnt cry about it, i fixed it.
Do the topic justice damn it.. atleast try to improve your ability to write if your going to write in self pity.
This is a remake of Deranged Sailor: Sea Sickness..
SupremeDreamer
on The Angel at the arcade (this is actually an 'acne') by scitz
22 Aug 2003, 11:07 PM
thats one damn good pimple.. crappier than ever.. indeed, its acne.. 10!
:)
have a 9.
How about you shut your fucking mouth..Did I ever use any names? No..I appreciated the votes you gave me and my comment wasnt directed towards you..Sorry but everything isnt about you so dont diss my shit. And as for lack of communication and self pity? Try getting beat up by your Mom every night and then cussed at between beatings..You dont know me or what I feel so go to hell and die..
nevermind, it works now.