some deleted user
on Pilgrimage by Christof
21 Aug 2003, 10:29 PM
I think you should have said "every sill, every single solitary shred and piece of lint in the world"
women put their farts in little bags until they wither and die. i know because i asked one once. your poem reminds me of margaret atwood before she shat wood.
Try putting your points in your slits and slots and quit writing about your sister. This sucked
weird. get k on it. although he ain't been round much, lately.
How odd. I try to edit this poem, and I get one of my other poems instead. WTF?
Right in the gut.
A very brave try.
because your work consists of acute observation and introversion, sans emotion.
it is not clear at all that you are a chick. you're not posting chick poems. you're not showing any softened edges. the words you post are meticulous. genderless. human.
why does everyone think that I am a guy?
Clearly I am not.
Once again you extract the pit from the peach. I was just going to say "hruhn?"
cheddar is the single most popular cheese in the world, bub.
singular or plural: decide.
"to be opened"--superfluous. can it. and "now"--nix that 2.
do a little more with the last line--maybe 'tumbke into your sheets'. it's there, waiting for you--go on, man! write the bastard down!
hh. cheesey. but I am a bit cheddary, aren't I?
this would benefit from the use of one or more poetic devices.
surface snatching the cervix, as fee for service.
Bueno.
Excellante.
oh yeah I'm in a mood now
hrmm.. an obsession with black oceans man?.. repetitive use of a word gets boring, fast. other than that, i liked it. blessed with 8
hrmm. Interesting. 8
What the hell? Am I on crack or something?
theres lots of examples concerning poetry where they read like a story.. so good or bad really depends on how the poem affects you. -shrug-
Jumpy? exactly what are you trying to say? explain.