sliver
replying on Between Now And Then by sliver
10 Aug 2003, 7:47 PM
Thank you. What do you think of the content?
LuckyJoe
replying on Playa been caught in their games. (revised/new) by LuckyJoe
10 Aug 2003, 7:46 PM
Thanks for the comment and I agree. I thought the same thing about despise myself. Was going to change it but didn't know to what. I saw dry when I read it over and didn't fix it it was ment to be die... but still doesn't fit. *shrugs don't write when you wake up make all sorts of silly mistakes*
Will have to do some editing... but this piece of crap is here to stay due to not being able to write something that fits the title. Again I thank you mulberry :) Have a nice night.
lol, im male, 100%. if i start to grow a clit, ill tell you lmao. :P Don-Quixote means "dreamer". happy that you enjoyed it. it.
lovely... 10
Anything with the world marlboro in it is great.. the ruby ones does it for me though.. 9.. yup.. robots
Hmmm... Your name suits you.
This was once in second place, but see what one little zero can do to your average?
Liked the last stanza and this plea, especially "âGive us hope, somebody!
Take our minds off monotony, somebody!
WE ARE GEEKS!â "
Chimey, but funny, as usual.
So sweet. I like the stanza in which you talk about your worst fears, the TV dinner, arriving early to "argue with the black driver"- hilarious. You need an apostrophe in Mum's (referring to her gravy).
Line 8 should say "Savior's side"
http://mulberryfairy
on Playa been caught in their games. (revised/new) by LuckyJoe
10 Aug 2003, 6:57 PM
Line 2: change to - "too"
Line 8: wanting to dry what, her eyes? too forced
Line 12: despise seems forced too, it is a verb, after all, and you are using it as a noun for an emotion.
I am not a rhyming poet myself, so I can't really talk, but the rhyming poems that are most enjoyable to me don't have lines that all end with one syllable words, those rhymes are too obvious and predictable, and they halt the lyrical flow of the words. It doesn't seem like rhyming poetry is going to be your strongest area, at this point.
I like you and your poem too.
I would add a penny and a monkey named Lenny, Spruce.
Impressive, decoratively versed and heres a 9 for ink on my jugular.
A blast !
I loved the way you worked the chapter and verse from the bible with there ages. Its very long but in this case holds the interest. Lots of fun in this (the bell, the cherry tree and heres one of your own Q-Tip awards for ....aahh fuck it, just for picturing you bleat this out thru bluecollar, poet and street verse balladier.
eL NiNO
9
It's not the first time I've been rejected. I've been rejected everywhere twice. Granted not by huge publishers, or on a top dollar level, but all the same, some very reputable literary mags. I hardly raised a stink about The NFG turn down, and naturally did not incluse Z, she's been nothing but cool to me. The truth of the matter is I detest everything, and will use any subject or opportunity to stretch my craft whether it's you, Mrs. Cornsoul, harper's Bazaroprobono, ticks, rottenfish, soup, murder, pollen, Voyeurism, Bochilism, Niggers, triggers, bats, rats, mom, dad, murder, Elton John. It doesn't matter. I'll attack anything randomly, or defend something whole heartedly, but when i'm provoked I have trouble stopping, until the deal is closed. Nine inch nailed, over, kaput, finet. For christ sake I write about smurfs, prostitution, and abandonment? Don't confuse me typing out a few small comments to mean I'm in some kind of denial? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHY! WHY? SWEET LORD CAN'T I SCORE A GIG AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. DIE YOU NFG DOGS DIEEEEEEEE! HOW DARE YOU DENY MY TRITE GASSY ATTEMPTS AT CONVEYING MY LOVE FOR THE WORLD through verse ARGH, OH LORD, THE PAIN IS ALL AROUND. I better go burn a spoon and pick up my old lady at the chicken shack buy my son back from the pawn shop, and call it quits. THANKS P AND K! I NEED A LOT OF LUCK, and a cold hockeye puck for my failure to give a... Yep, poetry, wow, it's infinitely appliable everywhere. I feel like jack fucking Coolstow, in a glass bottomed ass wagon a drift on the Mediajew Sea. But lord knows I have hope, i mean dope. Did you know that in Reno there is a school called Swope? Weird... Jus weird wild stuff.
Dedicated to my father. May he rest in peace.
That was really cool Da, thanks, I needed that.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Can you believe this piece of shit was #1? by horus8
10 Aug 2003, 2:02 PM