Lifeboatman
on Emily by Jetes
2 Aug 2003, 12:29 AM
Could've been better... write not with your brain
I guess baboons do habitat with hyenas. I agree someone dont get it, its not about Africa. Whats wrong with some people? It rates an 8, but the story would have been better suited amongst the Abos of Oz.
Howdy Doody for president!
Have to see if I understand this: Some kid use to BEAT you, so you met him in a motel grabbed his SKIN and blew him for a drink, then you two fucked,in the name of science?
This trauma followed you since you were eight!
HELP IS AVAILABLE.
Not if your pee pee is inside out, than it's like getting kicked in the cuntansnatch, which is a small village in Belgium, where that style of prick kick was first ritualised by homosapiens. I was on a dig when we made the discovery. Then, of course, i brought it back here to the ranker. For experimental purposes.
Cross eyed children and magnets....must have gotten shot with a BB gun. Be careful if you go for an MRI!
Last time I propped a panda, she got pregnant, and the zoo was pissed.
It actually is half the sperm cell you used to be ~! Get it!?
What a queer ending. I don't associate the sense of loss and rememberance with a person, but the hopeful dreams we've had and left behind, the familiar places in our minds.
Thanks,
Lcpl.Busby
interesting....at least
I loved it.
Just now a bird fell dead out of the sky and landed on a toddler in Mexico, disabling them both, forever.
I love this. You have a gift for descriptive writing. The poem is strong and consistent throughout. 10
You do a lot better with free verse--not that this isn't good, because it is, but there are so few people who have mastered the art of rhyme and meter. It's really difficult to compete with my personal fav - Shakespeare, who I use as a standard by which to judge others. 5
This is very good. I feel a sense of a detachment from every scene, as is the the case with the first-person view of the writer: an observer of these people in a motel. Some of the imagery could be stronger at the beginning and the end, but the middle is vividly drawn attracting attention to each descriptive detail. 8
Cheers.
You must be staring at my zipper. Here, let's slow it down for you... M-o-r-o-n, t-h-a-t'-s probably W-H-Y, I gave it a ten, what makes you think I don't recognize good poetry when i see it? The fact that I think your's isn't? You poor guilt ridden stench. You should abandon all hope and cork off.
I don't understand your comparison. Could you try to be a little more specific without sounding like a talking monotone penis? I believe that might help us bridge our differences. What do you think? Also, why is it that you feel, somehow, god only knows why I imagine, that calling me walrus8 is supposed to be offending to me? You must be either as old as dust, or a completely repressed homonius nerdious of the worst possible scenario. Brother, I will, maintain my composure, and once again offer you my hand in frienship (If it looks like a giant penis, that's okay because that's what my friendship hand looks like, do not fear) Love, dear friend, is contagious, please don't hate me because I love you. It's like struggling in quicksand, try to relax, and let me do all the work. Shhhh. slurp, blurble pop! bloop, gone.
Are you slow? What the fuck are you talking about? You get easilly confused. Here, let me help you Einstein. I said "how could someone give this 'great poem' a zero, as in 0, as in what happens on poemranker often was beyond me. So I gave you a ten, as in 10, to balance off the negativity. So what the hell are you chirping about me being cold, and I told you for christ sake "rubards" are Rhubarb flavored profalactics, are we squared away now? Good god, also you're a great poet, but not too quick, here, let me help you. Poet and growit/ is a sporty cad from Misery missouri who loves to shave scrotum in the dark after pounding a few dozen vodka tonics and Settle/a millionaire million other fucking names on this deplorable cock infection known as poemranker, and he goes to school at RISDI. Okay, now moving on.
The first two lines are almost good, well with and edit or two. Toss the rest.
good show