MrsGretchen
on At a hotel room in Royal Oak by horus8
7 Jul 2003, 1:08 PM
Something I can share.
No comment.
Another.
Yep.
Well, than lunch is in you.
Yes, I often find myself doing the same thing in my closet with a toothbrush in me mums pink knickers.
"But my soul is still trapped inside myself" This line I believe really ups the stakes in life... I must admit. Having our own souls trapped inside our own bodys during our lives? It's preposterous and down right frightening. Especially, when we've become so accustumed to carrying them around under our hats.
Loaded with feeling.
Sweet, rustic
Better.
Very easy read, I like it.
you shouldn't veer from your rhyme schem as in verse 4 it is off putting.
quite vague really and not anchored to anything
the first verse sets the intention well and I like the half-rhyme years and scars though
I hear ya
Just a critique.
Not exactly an analogy; this, now that the category has been created, should more properly be a "pimple poem". It was meant to be a condensed version, saying more the intent of such poems than actually trying to mimic the style. "You hurt me, but I can hurt me more! But I want you to feel my pain! Please? Ha, I'll show you!" :/
17 syllables, words don't matter.
JASON I THINK I LOVE YOU
I'd have paid just about anything to have seen the look on your face at the very moment you read this but your comment gives me a nice hint. LOL it is over by a few syllables but still, 5 words -7 words -5.
When you fuck up a haiku, they roll out the red carpet. Great Christ in Saucer, abandon ship, he's never seeen an abacus.