JoyLuck
on Way She Makes Me Feel by capachijim
13 Jun 2003, 3:55 PM
twinkle twinkle little star
What do you mean?
Do you even know what a vilanelle is idiot?
yes,yes,yes,maybe. if you say talked briefly about something other than the exchange of money for fuel,yes. but he/she does not have influence OVER you. some change happens,even if it is not immediately apparent. am I making sense?
Wow, that's pretty bad. The poem makes an attempt at something important, but falls far short. In your comments, and your poem you lack syntax and proper grammar. Find a new hobby.
I laughed when I wrote it.
I would totally lose the last line, and end at found.
Wow...I really, really enjoyed that. Seriously. 10
Yes, I think it sounds better but I still don't like the 'A wishful ache' because It seems to me that your saying the momentary release is a wishful ache, when I think it'd go better as 'With a wishful ache'. Still a -9- cause its very good.
Better.
Rumi's good stuff.
Thank you for the advise, does that sound better with the few changes that were made?
<{Baba^Yaga}>
replying on I gots me a postcard, motherfucker. by <{Baba^Yaga}>
13 Jun 2003, 12:41 PM
Get a life, I believe if my memory serves me correctly. Which it does.
Your right, in the grasp of madness I completely forget the difference (between nominating and recieving), well done, carry on then.
Unfortunately I'm scared to DEATH to be me, and that, thank god, is how I put that much more Kale into my "apocalyptic" power poetry (Jared Leto taught that to me one night while we were 30 seconds to Uranus)
Now a prayer;
Oh lord, let this curse of brilliance subside so I can walk around in bad lala poetry land with these wretched little fucking computer brats and their ridiculous real life observations that they've obviously garnered from the computer also, and or a close friend, that found early age tragedy. Lord let them read more and quit making my eye balls spontaneously deflate, and my asshole randomly whistle strange alien anthems in the cold dark fistings of the night, Amen.
Ps. Send my the new pringles before anyone else sweet jesu i fucking love pringles.
ah... now that explains my aching belly and the wierd shine in the bottom of my loo!
I can nominate whatever I want!!
Its merely beyond my power to Grant you your own reward.
We cannot do that unfortunately my young beautiful little bunny, because, well see, I invented that AWARD a year ago, and that makes it antikewl... Hey, wait a minute? That's it! Give me an GQT Awarde and I'll finally be free of the poemranker curse I can leave this accursed baby blue wasteland, and go back to my normal life as a bent toilet cleaning brush in Robert Downey Jr's spare bath.
Interesting Idea about the spiritual influence but it still sounds like a stretch to me. I Love this poem by the way. -10-