I met a girl with tangerine wedges I wish would pick up the phone, and say this to me, but I know she won't, because I'm the devil.

LOL, seriously. I'm nominating this for a GOLDEN Q-TIP. -10-

You forgot teaching your dog to fetch with dynomite and then then lighting the fuse. -6-

You really over did it at the end with all the OO ryhmes. I think you should take Rob's Advice and Read some more poetry, cause we see alot of cliche poems here. Its not too bad a poem but maybe next time forget the ryhme and just say what your trying to say.

I laughed when i read 11

I suggest replacing farce with charade, and instead of Of a wishful ache, I'd go with With a wishful. <- I think that it goes better with the momentary release.

yes nice logic/ flow a bit in the spirit of an extended haiku

not sure about use of pale killer/ eternal youth but i like the middle what is grief.... some of the big words and modern words tend to erode its sentiment i think some good stuff though

A promise.

That's killer.

I have some advice for you. look at and rate a bunch more poems, learn a few things, read the "best" list and start over.

ahhh...youth. Don't kill yourself. That'd be stupid, just too stupid However, consider revisions that are more creative ways to kill yourself. be specific, like tying a plastic bag over your head and handcuffing yourself to a tree. They'll all think you were murdered. wouldn't that be fun?

eliminate redundancy from title to last line. get rid of "farce" it sounds too much like fart. Otherwise, a poems go, it is ordinary. what can you do to make it more unique?