Again, the catch-alls... chance opportunities a way moment emotion conversation topic? (that's awful) possible talk dream Can you be specific please. Pretend your writing a news article, just the facts.

So... The structure is good, but you are not saying anything really. Where are the specifics. Somewhere????? Tell exactly where. 'I loved her'? How???? Tell me what you did hold her hand.... walk her dog..... read to her grandmother..... lick her pussy...... I mean, come on, what's your story???? 'she left me alone with my thoughts' so what? what the fuck where you thinking? That's what I want to know. I can't think your thoughts, show them to me. "I never meant to hurt her" Hoooooooowwwwwww did you hurt her? Scare her? Haaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooowwww? Don't tell me nothing, tell me something.

The last stanza, you know, I mean, I'm totally serious about the corn, it's like, you know, 8 1/2 and those women at the end living in the house of his imagination, and she doesn't ant to leave eventhough she's old, and they all rise up with their brooms and laundry, it's like the corn, out of control and all over the linoleum floor. Fucking brilliant, something so precise.

Fuck the ps, it's all about the corn. Gruesome and human. 3rd couplet, and of course the All-Powerful 1st line. Amen, brother.

You make me feel guilty, and I wash my hands a lot?

Necronomicon Death, madness and Cthulu. Let's swallow some souls.

"On this day, I have found fear..." Ahbdul Alhazar 'the mad arab'. (from the Necronomicon)

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! what? You're kidding right? lol. I'll bring the greater and lesser key of Solomon just in case.

My heart understands only buttered crawdads and old mill'.

if you seperated "traffic cream" you'd add more depth.

I play the xylephone in a band dedicated to covering "thirty seconds to mars, but we're called thirty seconds two your Uranus, and we all wear our hair like Jared, and such, and so on. Because we're apocalyptic petit and 'a angered' rock stars. (Pardon me why I wipe this chirpe off of my diamond heeled spur and tug 'pon my flask) aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. erp. But ah basically we've done hard time, and jerking off with noxema in juvie? Well, you can only imagine why our shoulders bear chips... Ah, I mean chirps.

As you can guess. Line 4 is quite the chuckle amongst my zombie legions and pet rubarbe pie.

Clatu Verata N... N... it's an 'N' word. N... N... It's definitely an "N" word!

Im not so sure you could live by the ignorance of someones lies, unless you yourself were dumb enough to live by a lie that was ignorant. The first thing that comes to mind is following a religion that requires you to eat dog crap five times a day or the earth would swallow you whole. Now that would be living by the ignorance of someones lies. But anyways I liked the poem, -6-

This is the stupidest poem ive read all day. -0-

Heres what you do. Stop writing simple thoughts. Look deeper into whats going on in your life. Listen to what people say and try and figure out why they said it, how they said it, if they lied. Just one sentence from someone can give me enough ammunition to write a whole poem. Dont make the same mistake i did when I first started writing, thinking that putting your thoughts and emotions on paper without any pilot or any direction is poetry, its not. Its called writing your meaningless emotions on paper. Some more advice, learn some vocab. But if you really love writing and you think you can be good at poetry then do not give up, listen to what people say. Theyr are some really good poets on this site, horus8, godswife, Mr.pig, billzbub. If you write somthing worthy of actually reading than they will tell you. -0-