Mikius
replying on Lost love by Mikius
29 Apr 2003, 1:46 PM
I think you misunderstand. My aim here was to make it unspecific, alluring to a feeling rather than a set place or time. I appreciate you comments, but it's not the direction I want to take the poem in. The idea is more of the man trapped within himself, talking to no-one but himself, and torn, cast aside. I feel someone in that state is to emotionally involved to look back and smile, or remind himself as he is plagued with self doubt.
Anyway, I appreciate your help and might consider doing something along those lines, but if you don't like this as it is, I'm sorry, but I don't plan to radically re-work it (for the moment, anyway)
Thanx I was just being commenting about how we(men) end up trying to prove our feelings but in the end its never enough. I'm sure I'll rewrite it soon but right now I like the playful mockery this makes of my inner emo kid. If possible could you try and point out the awkward points so that I can give some thought to how to rewrite them?
My pleasure.
Ah, I do apologise...I stand corrected.
I believe that I must go and revise my crustacean history.
Thank you my good Sir.
Good Evening.
Here's how it is: I like the content very much, but the timing is dodgy in places. For example change line 10 to simply 'leaving regrets', have a look through it and you will see what needs reducing. I expect you will reedit this one too so shall save my vote for the time being.
No.
the loud rhymes and wreckless use of words give this a spirit of humor and exasperation
No.
I will look into it, but I think that the spellcheck on Word said it was wrong. Then again, I could be mistaken.
I don't want to take sides here, But it read well very fluent
you better be right. if i cram all that into 17 and it's wrong, i'm gonna come after you. 9. who's backin' you on this?
look it up in el paraiso
you sound like more of an idiot everytime i see you post
oh she needs more than that. it's a lot less lonely, being alone. primary source knowledge, my friend.
as someone who wouldn't buy that, i say: she's as much to blame as he is. cad, you didn't judge, but it's there.
Yes, she's bored. But she's not ready to do anything about it. She needs a dash of frustration methinks.
interesting change-ups. find and alternative for sexy and sultry(cliche) I like the word groovy so I'll let you slide there. rather good
Why thank you BP217.
In reference to #2: Don't doubt or second guess yourself. Try anyway. You don't KNOW until you get to the end of the thing your're working on. The mere act of trying something new helps you stretch for the next "rung". Also, this is "practicing art"
You can only improve,but you will never reach perfection. Only get to a point with each piece that makes (you) happy. Then up the ante on the next one. Above all else,I believe, have fun.
thanx