god'swife
on Loaded with Clichés by Blindproject217
17 Apr 2003, 6:03 PM
Get rid of the parenthetical. You touch on truth, now just go.
Taking shape... hmmm... kind of like a growing penis in the cupped hands of a child. Of course, we would be required, by law, to confirm that indeed you are that child, and yes that is your penis.
Very sweet. Somebody kiss me.
Your aggression towards 'rhyme' has left much unsaid.
Perhaps you'd prefer to give me some 'head'?
No. Definitely a no.
This is actually an 'ode' to what you think 'odes' are, but in actuality it's not. This is a roman numeraled other with no rhyme scheme no structured pattern and a dull theme. Not to mention dislocated sentences, paragraphs and punctuation. Congradulation!
Glad you like it D.A.
A poem(as defined in a dictionary) is 1.A verbal composition designed to convey experiences, ideas, or emotions in a vivid and imaginative way, characterized by the use of language chosen for its sound and suggestive power and by the use of literary techniques such as meter, metaphor, and rhyme.
2.A composition in verse rather than in prose.
3.A literary composition written with an intensity or beauty of language more characteristic of poetry than of prose.
4.A creation, object, or experience having beauty suggestive of poetry.
No, what you've done here is confused "poetry" with "angsty prose with semi-arbitrary linebreaks".
name: zoe
age: 25
likes: meeting new friends, seeing old friends, having fun with all my friends, blah blah, dance, trance, dance-trance, garage, speed-garage, blah, hip-hop, trip-hop, trip-hip-hop, trance-hop, blah, friends, hanging with friends, trance, blah blah blah, being cool and hanging out, blah, friends, blah, must have lots of friends, blah blah, must be accepted by everyone, please, blah blah, christian woodworking, blah, trance.
If he isn't a 9 year old, how brave is his effort? I think bravery of effort is inversely proportional to age. I also think bravery of effort tends to infinity if you are disabled. Here:
bravery = (1 / age) ^ (are_you_special)
where
are_you_special = 1 / (4 - number_of_wheels)
This is an epic poeme of epoch-making proportions.
Hey Danny !
If you are indeed a 9 year old this is a brave effort mate. Good use of rhyme and you stuck to to the subject well. Keep writing and good luck with your poetry heres an 8.
By the way I would say tintagiles is by far the best imagery poet on this site, you wanna listen to the geezer.
This is basic in all aspects, lacking imagination and any interest value for the reader. In your work I have read thus far some of your lines are good, quite dreamlike, but as poems rather forgettable. Dust yourself down and keep bangin them out. 5
Almost dramatic, it reads like a thought process rather than a poem. You need to work on imagery and metaphor to make it stand out and grab the readers balls. 5
Not sure about lifes breath and loneliness you have spelled wrong other than that its quite a nice mad 5 minutes you had in writing this. 6
I think it stops being a poeme when you start using phrases like "What Iâm standing on is literally the ink my every written word". When that happens, you know you've run out of paper and have scribbled over the edge of your desk and onto the floor. In short, you've made a bosh. An absolute bosh.
Only a lunatic would read a poeme that started on paper, continued on desk, then finished on carpet.
its a fantastic poem, i actually like all your work i've read so far.