lastobelus
on i will not come to bangladesh by lost in america
11 Mar 2003, 12:02 PM
I like this poem a whack.
and pooh-poohing lowercase is old, it is meta-stuffiness. Capitals get in the way sometimes, it's as simple as that. Words are meant to be twisted and poked and well-used and fucked with. Kind of like^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hwoah, CAREFUL
It was my understanding that lastobelus was referring to the comments on my poeme rather than to the poeme itself. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he does have no grasp on reality. Maybe that's why he was caught sniffing that beggar's nappy. Maybe. I JUST DON'T KNOW.
ahahahahaahahahaha
give up please
Interesting spin on the pimple poem.
Too many selfs and not enough of anything else.
Odd images all around and interesting use of grammar in places, but that in no matter to the daring and original, those who now must fill the cancer-ridden shoes of Stan Rice.
Jesu would be very sad, if he listened to your prayers at all!
Leviticus is old school; Jesu liked to stir it up. He hung with whores and blue-collar (rather, no-collar!!!1111) types, remember? He taught the same to his buds:
"I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean." --Romans 14:14
also, the big guy himself spoke to Peter:
"What God has cleansed, no longer consider unholy." --Acts 10:14
thank YOU, and Jesu bless!
and you do not find this to be "crass crude tasteless & politically incorrect as possible (& subsequently funny)"?
not only do you have "no formal education in poetry," you also have no grasp on reality!
why is the language in this so arcane? the poem would be much more accessible if it were more vernacular, or, if you were trying to make it sound like a classic Romantic poem, if you stayed with formal usage. I suspect you got the zero becuse you didn't make up your mind.
i won't vote until it's finished. if this is finished, i'll not vote.
tsk! don't write when drunk! how many times do you admonish me with this one? besides you gave kevin away to that adulteress--so you deserve what you get! HA!
"Wispy swirling white."
very nice sounds, here. nice, the repeat for closure as well.
Didn't work for Vietnam, though, did it? The people can stop an unpopular war. Why do you think Harold Wilson, despite repeated US pressure, never committed a single British troop to 'Nam? Gulf War One was about liberating a conquered country. Gulf War Two will be about reshaping the middle east in a way that suits the west. I think people are more aware than you give them credit for.
'sprung' is an adjective here. not a verb. same as 'whirling' and 'muscled' (as--to force one's way) are above.
the items after the colons are lists, not sentences. i take some liberties, because i know i am taking them. :p
Wispy swirling white.
Flashing ruby fright.
Spinning,(ins. comma) sliding away (delete the period)
as more and more (eh. 'more and more' is so generic. you can say it better)
enter the fray.
Many pass(del. 'on) in the night. (what are you trying to say--they ignore someone stranded?)
(delete 'in)Wispy and swirling white.
I know why sprung is there ,but is'nt it past tense? this is happening now, i gather. Your pace is slowed with commas,while hasting? You're slowing something that happens quickly,yes? that is all. compared to v-1 this works better. lighter.
do you have a moment for "lightest touch"?
mornin'. metaphor for "american dream" or things along that line. w're taught rules without reasoning. I know it needs work. I'm not framed for it at the moment. thanks z.
what is the box? why do you keep calling it a box? is it an icecube?
I'm assuming you are referring to this poem. I'm letting it percolate for now. Could use some help with my "eskimo" and my "runes" when you get a moment. I'm particularly fond of them and would like to see them break gravity. glad to see yu are well. thank you.