INTRANSIT
on Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof
10 Mar 2003, 8:00 PM
I still have yet to find a superior.
Drats! I do believe my speed reading from high school has become malignant.
Very nice. 9/10. I especially enjoyed the inappropriate use of "an".
Work on your wording. Use more powerful words. Your idea is good but the presentation isn't.
This is the definition of a strong-worded poem.
sk8boardandpoems
replying on if only you could read my mind love by sk8boardandpoems
10 Mar 2003, 6:41 PM
I thank you very much for your some what interesting(hopefully) compliment..I usually take to mind in what others say like for instence razorgrin(or something like that) says that in many many words that i am a pieace of shit and that no one cares about me not even my spleen(i got her/him back) and several others who shall remain nameless but after reading your comment that made me think that some people out there(not many) but some of them do care about my work and they appreciate the INNOCENCE of a child and the least the could do as you menchioned(cant spell) in your comment that i am quote on quote 'very BRAVE for entering a forum of expirenced writers'..i only entered this forum becase i wanted some advice and comments from the wise and proven..not someone my age...because someone my age who reads me poems wil say that they are the greatest thing in the world...and thats ok to hear but i would much rather have someone point out my mistakes instead of praising them and not even knowing it...I need alot of help in spelling(hehhe) and maybe some inspirations but after reading your comment that has changed my view of the poetry world...I thank you for taking your time to read it and others and i hope that you enjoy them as much as i do writing them....Thank you
where I grew up, actually, "should of" was the proper usage. Actually, "shoulda", to be precise. "Should have" would be correct if one were, say, mulling one's choice of supper flesh: "I wonder if I should have the greasy pork, or the bloody beef. The pork looks awful tempting, but the beef is better for my heart. Damn! I shoulda never let that fool woman talk me into going to the doctor inna first place. Now alls I do is worry about my goddamn heart."
methamphetamines burn holes in your brain.
I've heard.
damn, a lurv pome that I like. Time for bed. 8
oh, everything I do is extremely derivative. ya know, I read something 'n' get all excited, and then later I puke up some derivative form of what I read. I don't aspire to be a poet, they have to work too hard, I see myself more as a Regurgitationist.
Here's my version!! I hope you like it!!
Once I had a love and it was a gas
Soon turned out had a heart of glass
Seemed like the real thing, only to find
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind
Once I had a love and it was divine
Soon found out I was losing my mind
It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind
In between
What I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine
Love is so confusing there's no peace of mind
If I fear I'm losing you it's just no good
You teasing like you do
'cuz I'm lazy
Why doesn't the first letter of each sentence start with a capital letter? I thought that was proper English?
I re-read it and I liked it much better the second time around. It's amazing how much you miss by reading things once. Here's a 9. By the way, my father also had a mistress so I can identify. Every summer we would go to the beach together as mom stayed at home. She made my dad happy so he treated my mom even better. I do not necessarily thing that it is a bad thing to have one as long as you can manage to keep everyone happy.
Break it up and shorten it. That would give it more of a punch.
Spiffing, but the last lines disenchanted the poem, you had made your point, and made it jolly well.
I have no formal education in poetry, so could someone please illuminate me: I was under the impression the WHOLE FUCKING POINT of a limerick is to be as crass crude tasteless & politically incorrect as possible (& subsequently funny).
Jesus, have they started teaching in schools that you need to look for and evaluate the social message of FUCKING LIMERICKS? yer jest spost ta laff fer chrissakes.
Bet Fathers day in your house was quiet huh? some real arresting images here, tragic, sweet, quite sad I liked it a lot 9
I do believe my Father would not recognize my guts, he had none of his own.
Hello Sir Intransit, so kind of you to endulge one with your comment. The Cuckoo is the nest stealing mistress of my Father, and may God wet his ashes this fine eve.