Bill Z Bub
replying on Minoan lover by Jeremi B. Handrinos
27 Jan 2003, 6:10 PM
Is this Movieranker now? I wouldn't call it a stinker, but it sure didn't deserve an Oscar. Neither did Crowe. That bearded bastard. Okay, I'm just being petty now. and jealous.
Oh, and the poem is good. It feels Hellenic.
rad.
enjoyable, evocative, and nifty. I saw the lonesome walker.
Not bad. In fact, I like it. Quite a bit. Very good.
Not Bad for a chode but It seems a little repetive i gave it a six
Are you saying Humor isn't part of the human condition? I beg to
differ. With out a sense of humor we'd all run around with our head up our ASSES Like you.
P.S. I din't find your "pink bunny of prune" comment very funny shit wipe. I'm not out high school yet but i can still tell a chode like you to go get your boyfriends dick surgically remove from your ass.
Keep Up the good work famenglory.
yep, it's you.
:]
you could end it with an ellipsis, as though the thought is still lingering on...
I liked the simplicity and the flow, which is why your choice of the word "aesthetically" threw off the mood for me a little bit. It sounds long and choppy and sterile compared the the rest of the verse. The middle four line stumble a little over extra syllables, but overall, you created a beautiful picture for me. Here's an 8 for ya.
oops! I accidentally deleted a really constructive comment from zzinnia66. You're right about that last line. It does nothing for the meaning, I put it there more or less to even out the rhythem. I'll have to work on a new way to end that thought.
What's lovely is how this is isn't even a vilanelle, nor significant to the human condition on any level other than slightly humorus, but what the fuck it's #1 and i'm sure that counts for something, somewhere, somehow. right pinkbunnyofprune?
Terrific, a good strong picture. Thou you need to rethink the first line and make this more personal. Pretend you have seen the flower, it sounds to me like she has touched you with her sad state. Is she me, perhaps? If she is and even if she isn't use what you know of me, or any other woman who fits this discription, to make this richer. Think in precise images.
Get rid of 'and' before 'uproot'
Ouch you scare me. Its short but hey i like it
You're right about the last line. I thought it evened out the rhythem, but it really doesn't do much for the meaning. I'll have to think of a new way to end that thought.
Jeremi B. Handrinos
on winter every day (Don't bother reading this) by some deleted user
27 Jan 2003, 4:07 PM
Yes, I know.
Lovely, Just Lovely
I loved it. Don't change it no matter what anyone says.
Confusing and short.
Sorry dude to tell the truth this peom is kinda lame. No offence to you or anything. Just A question Is there some hidden meaning here that we're not getting? Just asking.