<{Baba^Yaga}>
on IRONSHOE by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
2 Jan 2003, 10:52 PM
D.a. i just went and learned how to write one of these, and i'm just going to come 'out' and say..your structure tweek is unfucking believable..i all of a sudden got it '-' cuz at first i was a bit mislead, by actually the power of your choosen 'hand picked' symbols and layers, and you 'know' your subject matter and combining powers, but i am sitting here right now convinced at this moment, that regardless, of our silent but bursting avoidance of one another..he he. you are an incredibly talented 'gifted' (excuse the term), scribbler..unreal, just fucking to much..this is a masterpiece..if you are indeed younger than me...you are the smartest most innovative creature i've ever had the privelage, of never meeting. there is no swagger award or cue tip, good enough for this..un-fucking real...you're almost too smart for your own good. we are doomed..i am just simply amazed by this..this is a magical poem. not safe, funny, yet serious, aimed at more than one thing and person. i'm sorry i ever doubted you. You, are thee best writer, hands down at poemranker..it's all there..every word absolute and perfect, style self made and possesd with a piece of some element i've never seen..you could very possibly be the philosopher's stone..if you're a nineteen year old college student, i am on drugs. well... i am, but you know what i'm saying
some sort of a preface to the advent of monsoons, perhaps?
i'm not sure there is enough separation for the contrast to be effective. perhaps you could separate the dark and light with indented phrasing? to give the reader a physical clue as to the sense of shift in mood?
if you notice, 'yellow sunshine' is cheery, it has 'slender fingers'- but it withdraws and the 'ominous white' gets in, i wanted to contrast the yellow sunshine to the ominous white- monsoon fog and the milky opacity of the sky during continuous rains.wanted to contrast the warmth of the sun with the chill of rainy weather
you have a maggot on your lip, go like this [i make a motion at wiping my mouth, you wipe but miss yours] almost.k
between you, and me? to see just how fucking expensive movie candy can get.
http://www.hermes-school.ch/ghezzi/index.html
why oh lord, wont the autodidacts let me join..i too, have a deep connection with hermes, but nay, nay..they just mock me...and call me powder shorts and red tits. bastards. beautifull sculptors and paintings though..where do i sign up?
el dia que me quieras.... que diran de ti? oye tu no hablas espeaniol? pues mira pibe, chico tu echate a tirar la goma pues que es mas padre que tu padre isimo don.
nunca es tarde extender la lengua hacia afuera y saborear otros aires.
go darkie
actually it is a mix of mexican, argentine, cuban and a pinch of spaniard.
thank you Mrs. G. In fact, never studied it, lived it in my travels and travails in latino america
thanx
how about 'pry' (to try to force) or 'ply' (to work at repeatedly) silently at ...then it would seem like the creature was trying to get in.
also, 'yellow' sunshine sounds cheery--if dismal is where you are going with this, may i suggest 'yellowed' instead? it feels used, up, aged, nasty.
tis you, mang.
and don't wash those thermals.
ebay is awaiting for you, too.
it was the least i could do.
i believe that poets are a dying breed and should
come together and think tank instead of stripping
eachother to shreds before the real war.
the one against the media and leprichauns...i mean
the little green men from moo,, ah fuck it..the war against
crop spraying and bird caging, the secret wars.
i am your friend,
and also..i know the difference
between a clean hit and a sucker punch.
you deserve neither, just some respect at what
your good at..and that's poetry. cheers to you
darling, and yours.
luv, the starving toothless siberian witch. ms.yaga.