anitawit
replying on The Advent Of Monsoon by anitawit
2 Jan 2003, 9:55 PM
wanted to create a sense of - personification- in 'dribble silently'- as in a creepy creature dribbling...wanting to be let in... uh, don't know if it worked.
how dare you fish slap Bachus with perry mason's missing hoof. scoundrel...yes, you consistently amaze me. even through my drug hazes and tantrums, but i can't help but wonder, do you think that if you prayed tonight (right now) to jesu to allow you to shit a turd out tomorrow morning shaped like a small child equipped with a small donkies head holding a corn kernal shaped like a foot fucking our mother's ass in his hand..me and you can some how break into heaven and steal the 'inflamed shoe horn of all fittingness'. jesus i hope so, cuz it's getting dark, and i'm pretty fucking cold and hungry, so could you just push harder...we're running out of time..and you know what happens at midnight...squash sex, again. HURRAY!
he decided to stay, but the torment has lost its keen, much to my dismay!
S7. L3, W1, typo kiddo
yes indeed. thank you, both for 'getting' me, and letting me 'get' myself. i honestly, consider this place my second home, and kaolin, i'm grateful to you and jealous..thank you both.
and congradulations, if you guys
are ever in my forest, ever! don't be strangers, let me be your host, for once(i'm also convinced there's a movie here, in the making) if we could only find d.a.bastard eloped with settle, again, while me and babbit were out hunting for elk and beaver, love is tough on the sole.??
he must enjoy this torture, rapturously. if he stays to be tormented further.
very evocative and viceral.
in your last line, perhaps the rains could touch/tap at/strum your window (any action as performed by a hand, as that is the metaphor you establish in the line before it)
i have made this edit for you to show you what i meant--the text needs to be centered as you had it, but won't translate in the comment box.
Also, you have several verb tenses working against each other--i suggest making it less passive, more active so the poem shows that you are in some way contributing to the path towards the center.
i hope these comments were useful to you, and hope i have not overstepped.
ahh. and again. you seducer.
i bought a yellow fin tuna, a de-netter today, and some tube socks with my chevron americanium card he grew wings and now he's a flying fish, i heard though later, he traded the tube socks for sock in united. the smartest flying fish i've ever whipped out plastic for. know why? i can make a difference and the guilt is hurting my sole. thanks for helping me help myself, you're an angel in white with wings and compassion and everlasting life. impressive and, yet holy. groundbreaking alternatives. in all honesty, i'm mes-mo-rized and such.e
if you change the "i"s to "she", and the "her' to "me" the magic trick wouldn't be trick now would it smashed cat? (and no one would care than either) it's the title that plays with the brains symbolic meter, and what attracts, rapist exposerss like you, huh dude? don't let your 'programing' effect your ability to alter the normal way of thinking, men are sick and dick lead, don't let the smile fool you.d
Its always good to try, what's the worst that can happen?Get rid of 'maybe' and 'surely' from lines 1 & 2. For me that makes it more immediate? What do you think?
i gave sally struthers my old pair of hooves cause i got new ones for christmas, she's saddled and ready to go (she ate all of my prunes and dates) we're crossing the road currently, see you there.n
exculpate at once, then sand your left leg to varnish with 150 grain paper. surfing trip to costa rica also work wonders. if this is true, good. if not, you should move to italy, and become an aids activist. seriously. my friend just got out of the peace corp, and i watched him turn a loaf of bread into a hovercraft complete with a banquet of swine spitted goodies and sani huts..truly..it was fucking mind boggling, but as luck would have it's always about 'pork' no 'copper'. maybe he should try a mracle were he turn a pillow case full of euro's into a vat of mercury, than we'll sell the mercury for hard cash for venezualain oil and thirteen year old hookers. whatta ya think. too cryptic? yeah, probably.
ok who the f gave me a zero. I'll find out and critique your work accordingly. Oh foulest being spawned of hell prepare for your day of judgement. I will be waiting for you to fall and strike in your moment of shame.
WoW! Your so pathetically sad that I just can't say anymore.