Robert K Foster
on Sod this! This poem can't rhyme for toffee... by Yardbird
22 Nov 2002, 7:36 AM
who liked to drive on the autobahn.
he killed lots of deer,
as they stood there in fear!
and often he'd swerve for the lesser fawn.
....hope I helped :)
like the way you start off innocent, and then throw in the etherised patient. insidious.
how punny.
the ONLY word I don't thnik fits is "scruples". It seems out of character. Otherwise, I liked it a lot--a 10.
mostly because that's not what it's about.
Nice words, but they don't fit together all that well, which is why it feels incoherent and bumpy. I've never been that huge on IP, as a rule. but that's just me.
I've been through the clouds too.
thanks to jack daniels
Oh dear - you can do better,
heart is the right place, but the poems in the wrong place.
lines 3/4 stanza 2 screw this up, if you took all the best lines and condensed it, it could be quite a good poem. As it stands it dont clog my throat
Spain obviously inspired you, I want to read this in English i feel like I'm drunk in a karaoke bar in benidorm and i'm singing along to something i have no knowledge of, so please re-submit it-
Giant Haystacks? Big Daddy?
I wanted to see it.
its a good yarn but seperate the lines more, this needs to flow clearer, its a stuttered read, otherwise I enjoyed it.
holy crap. this made my bowels hurt. unpleasantly.
this is a seminal piece of work, some wonderfully constructed stanzas and it lifed off right from the start.
I want more info on this story i'm at work and cant concentrate please give me the story of this if you can? (i only have chance to read/submit poems at work as i have no computer at home
nice.
If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious...
How many dicks do you think shes rehearsed with? I reckon she drinks from the furry cup
even though the sound of it may seem quite atrocious
Hahahahaha, I know the problem, Dr. Spankenwissenschaften!