-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on Just a Girl by w~* ATHENA *~w
13 Oct 2002, 1:54 PM
I hope you fall over and injure your face.
What did he smell of?
Yeah! You BROKE THE RULES!!!!
I AM BACHUS AND MY GREAT POWER COMES FROM HILARIOUS FLIPPANCE.
butter flap? excellent???
I picked up a connection between husband/boyfriend and a newborn. Slightly scary but endearing too.8
You sorry little shit. You dare to write about democracy and then cram the ballot box with fake votes? You are a scumball. Best list my ass. You fall from the sky carrying a shit-pie and walk away with the blue-ribbon? I think not. I spit on you and your crappy poem. Your poem is not worthy enough to lick the shoes of my worst.
Bloody funny and syllabically spot on.
Makes me wish I had a fireplace; but, I do have a chiminea. Dylan Thomas wrote of "the mulling pokers" in 'Child's Christmas in Wales'; reminds me of that. You two literary femmes, if you like craft-brewed beer, must try Raven lager our of B'more, MD. I served it for 3 hours this afternoon at an Arlington Oktoberfest shindig--I was a volunteer for my homebrew club. It would make the perfect ahhhh brew to enjoy in front of the hearth.
All we need is the song Jeremy as an java add-on. Working on it as we speak. Perhaps a video starring someone appropriate. Like it, though.
Altar, AltAr, ALTAR!!! Why the hell can'T people figure out it's spelt with a second 'a'? Yeezhus. (Sorry, sorta. I've seen a lot of this in poems lately.)
Uhh... I could just be overtired but... where's the irony?
Wow, you've given me pause. I might be able to morph this over to a land/lake "deal" and make it work better. Thanks for pointing that out. It's the scary truth though, isn't it?
The last image is the prize winner here. You probably know that already. I don't care for the hook line and sinker, except that it ties in with the last stanza. Could the cronies be fishing instead of butchering?
YES! HORUS8 GOLDEN Q-TIP AWARD ON THIS FINE DAY why because oedipus means swollen foot.. because when 'they' found him as a baby he was hanging by his foot. congradulations are in order. 10!
I like this, it's very refreshing.
The first stanza doesn't have the power of the second. The birdsongs, the house dog, the roommate are distant from the scene not in that they're not involved with the scene, but in that they don't seem real at all. To me, the way you present them makes them completely lifeless and irrelevant to the action. I would work on everything before "will wrestle from"
Why "dead shape"?
On second thought......