poemranker ::20 most recent comments by Dovina (1061-1080)

Comments byDovina, 1061–1080 back. Include replies

on My First Boyfriend by jessicazee 6 Oct 2005, 4:30 PM
From "your waterbed sucked me in" on it's good.
on Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse 28 Sep 2005, 5:33 AM
Speculation and joining of speculated ideas is what poetry is and what you've done here. Just leave off the opening remark.
on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus 28 Sep 2005, 5:37 AM
Good, and moves to a goal. The last few lines wrap it up nicely.
on Electric Light by cyan9 28 Sep 2005, 5:41 AM
Too many words. "charred room that had once been ablaze" for example, could be just "charred room."
on Renewal by emilyowey 1 Oct 2005, 5:57 PM
Nicely said. A leaf turning red is really the departing of green chlorophyl, I'm told.
on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu 30 Sep 2005, 3:25 PM
Sounds like a dream, and a happy one.
on some deleted poem 2 Oct 2005, 11:55 AM
You've got some great lines here, and a good rhythm. "Prisoners with socialite waists,quiet as certain sins."
on Yield by wilco 30 Sep 2005, 6:55 AM
Dear Wilco,
In a hotmail message, someone might have suggested a Memphis drink. If so, she was adding a friendly reminder that poetry is good as basis for talk and cross check of notions like these, which I might add are pretty good.
on some deleted poem 2 Oct 2005, 5:04 PM
The last line changes POV from her to him and blows an otherwise tender scene. I, for one, think it's best to use just one one POV.
on The Play by Hadasl 2 Oct 2005, 5:13 PM
Spelling (reenact amends) and grammar (too many to mention) checks would help. mainly, I think a clear idea of what you want to say would be the biggest help.
on some deleted poem 3 Oct 2005, 4:55 AM
One of those nebulous prophetic utterances with an air of supernatural knowledge, but having no substance.
on some deleted poem 3 Oct 2005, 5:34 AM
"love is hope's suicide"
Starting as a diatribe against Christians, it seems to switch to a description of love, and a somber one. Love is many things, but I'll take a man who's loving, reliable, and tiresome over the flighty kind. That may be hope's suicide, but it sure feels good at night.
on Without my Glasses by Niphredil 2 Oct 2005, 12:01 PM
Don't mind Zodiac, he's heat stricken over there in the Islamic sun. His grammar's gone kaput, and he thinks glasses will relieve his pain.

As for your poem, I'm having trouble with how glasses affect streaks of white that you see, and haw you could see it any better with glasses, looking through the windowshade.
on What do u think i am! by T. Jonathron Remp 2 Oct 2005, 12:05 PM
The best part is "a deceitful pathway to empty noise." Zodiac is attracted to you in a spelling or spell-binding way.
on No Aegis by wilco 3 Oct 2005, 4:40 AM
Hey, it starts off well and then tries to make the metaphoric turn, and bogs into some Tennessee swamp. Still, I see the process and believe it will work with a little more clarity.
on some deleted poem 3 Oct 2005, 10:22 AM
Very good.
on The chestnut by richa 4 Oct 2005, 4:18 PM
If she drives an Englishman to France, she has more power than you admit.
on Enigmatic Innocence by Katzclear 6 Oct 2005, 4:28 PM
stoicism is so similar to apathy that the opening lines seem trivial.

Vile existance and survival are not similar, making the next few lines wonderment.

"Steadfast mistaken for diffidence" is a good line.

The last line seems to change the subject.
on some deleted poem 6 Oct 2005, 4:33 PM
How can words correspomd to doorways? Something I'm not getting.

How can reality lie?
on For my unborn by Caducus 6 Oct 2005, 4:37 PM
I give birth almost every morning during the half-sleep after dream and before reason. Maybe this is not what you mean, doesn't matter.