on some deleted poem
20 Mar 2005, 6:55 AM
Writing a strong emotion in a way that people unfamiliar with the situation can relate to is a difficult task. I usually fail unless some burst of inspiration relates the situation and my feelings about it in a unique way - something that pulls them in, hooks them, draws up their own supressed feelings. Good try. I doubt if I could do better.
on some deleted poem
18 Mar 2005, 2:12 PM
Too plain and easy it seems. Not enough getting into her as a fat woman. That's the unique part of this - that she's fat, and you glossed over it.
on A good little poem by INTRANSIT
21 Mar 2005, 6:46 AM
Do you really need (bread) after "rye" and "possibilities" after infomercial. You did say it's a little poem. Thoughts turn rye is good. Why not infomercials piclke?
on Rusty knife to the kidney by INTRANSIT
21 Mar 2005, 6:51 AM
I liked it better before, but still good.
on stab in the dark by not_a_philosopher
21 Mar 2005, 6:56 AM
Can we have some of you happy athiests speak out in rebuttal?
on some deleted poem
21 Mar 2005, 9:03 PM
Spray âem black and send âem back.
on The Populous by durr_T_hip_E
22 Mar 2005, 12:38 PM
Iâm following your butler of a title, and assuming this houseful of descriptions applies to the people as a whole. Frankly, I find that concept too broad for value. Still, the flow is good and the descriptions vaguely valid. I wish for greater definition, punctuation perhaps, and something personal.
on Tribulations of the ear and eye by oneglove
22 Mar 2005, 1:08 PM
The eye and ear high-tail it, dissatisfied. Okay, but "atrophied"? maybe "starved.â The âgreatest giftâ of the heart seems left alone and undeveloped. Maybe it needs a tender helping hand.
on Amsterdam One by durr_T_hip_E
24 Mar 2005, 8:18 AM
I hope you're talking about the Rails-to-Trails project we have going in America, where abandoined railroad rights-of-way are being converted to bicycle trails. Revive the bicycle!
on criminal by durr_T_hip_E
24 Mar 2005, 8:21 AM
Sorry, don't get it overall. Some nice language.
on some deleted poem
25 Mar 2005, 7:38 AM
The added lines are, I think,
âHe is a branch of your family tree
that was torn off and discarded
before you were born.â
I also think that could have been understood from the original version, but those smooth words improve the poem.
âHe is a branch of your family tree
that was torn off and discarded
before you were born.â
I also think that could have been understood from the original version, but those smooth words improve the poem.
on Reasonably Good by Dovina
25 Mar 2005, 10:53 AM
I have revised it because nobody understood it the way I did. Of all the comments, here and elsewhere, I did not see that I had communicated. I hope these changes will clarify.
on The Hold Up by luzrheroguy
25 Mar 2005, 2:25 PM
Funny. Nice ending.
on foreplay by DR Limerick
25 Mar 2005, 2:28 PM
Limericks are so hard to use as a means of saying anything besides funny-ha-ha, I'm surprised you haven't tried something else by now.
on Integration by jroday
26 Mar 2005, 6:27 AM
Integrate! Yes.
on You Pick It by durr_T_hip_E
26 Mar 2005, 6:40 PM
This is a good story right up to last few lines where I think you blew it. I saw the point without your telling it at the end.
on true love by francis nor capule
28 Mar 2005, 7:07 AM
I don't know these idyllic people in "so they say." Sounds like you could wait a long time.
on some deleted poem
28 Mar 2005, 7:08 AM
Cute.
on Memories of a Suicidal Sophomore by CemeteryBuffsOnline
28 Mar 2005, 7:10 AM
Not really a poem.