replying on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina
12 Jun 2005, 4:47 PM
Good suggestions. Thanks.
replying on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina
10 Jun 2005, 12:30 PM
The same thing I was saying about yours. And I tried so hard, in this revision, to make it clear. :(
replying on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina
10 Jun 2005, 12:28 PM
I don't find it so.
replying on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus
10 Jun 2005, 12:25 PM
I don't think either of them is that naive. They might say it, but they don't believe it.
replying on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina
10 Jun 2005, 12:22 PM
French nail ends is grammically consistant with French nails because both are plural. To say French nails ends is silly.
on Missing by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
10 Jun 2005, 11:16 AM
First verse is good. But then it gets wordy and convoluted in places. "I watch you and wonder to myself" for example - is there any way to wonder besides to yourself? And what is this "darkness engulfing me"? Still, the poem has potential.
on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus
10 Jun 2005, 10:56 AM
This starts our really good.
I don't know what you mean by the slabs rolling, or why she still looked 20.
Verse 3 is great.
Verse 4 is good. "wood" must refer to her cane.
Verse 5 is a bit strange, and kissing on shadows of the lost - well, I see you relating to the old couple as you imaging aging with your lover, but it could be better said.
I don't know what you mean by the slabs rolling, or why she still looked 20.
Verse 3 is great.
Verse 4 is good. "wood" must refer to her cane.
Verse 5 is a bit strange, and kissing on shadows of the lost - well, I see you relating to the old couple as you imaging aging with your lover, but it could be better said.
replying on Snow by lil_evil_boi
9 Jun 2005, 8:13 PM
Even though your poem "Faith" is a direct quote from Hebrews 11:1, I take your word for it when you say you learned it from your father and did not copy it from the Bible. If you were a plagiarizer, I think it would have shown up in your other postings too; but as far as I can see it has not. I think everyone should get off your back about this.
on lawngazing by skaskowski
9 Jun 2005, 8:03 PM
The first verse is perfect.
Second verse can be taken so many ways thet I wish it were more directed.
Third verse is good, but when I try to relate it to the first, I come up wanting.
Overall, I like this kind of poem.
Second verse can be taken so many ways thet I wish it were more directed.
Third verse is good, but when I try to relate it to the first, I come up wanting.
Overall, I like this kind of poem.
Someone who returned from an Islamic country told me she talked with a woman who had been raped. The woman told her that her greatest concern was not disease, disgrace, possible prgnancy, or the injuries she had suffered, but that her husband might find out. Then she would become unclean in his eyes and be outcast from society.
replying on Haiku String of the Bee by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
9 Jun 2005, 3:16 PM
Yeah, if you feel that way, but your metaphor of worker bees loving their queen - well, I doubt it.
replying on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
9 Jun 2005, 3:11 PM
Summer is a fickle girl and may not answer the record rains of winter with record wildfire. But she could. For rhythm’s sake and for symmetry with the Mississippi Valley, the word "likely" could go. For keeping to what I want to say, something along that line is needed.
replying on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy
7 Jun 2005, 7:02 PM
Try it. You can always delete your comment by clicking the little red x.
replying on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy
7 Jun 2005, 6:59 PM
I assume you are talking to me, but it's hard to know. If you will click on "reply" under a comment, then your response will be placed like mine is here under your comment.
on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy
7 Jun 2005, 5:45 PM
Very good up to the last verse. I'd end it with "Kids are easy to kill." When you get preachy, it loses a lot of force.
on Chthonic Steppenwolf by SupremeDreamer
7 Jun 2005, 5:41 PM
Good, but words like mordant, cicatrize and chthonic are off-putting when familiar words will do.
"Child spirit ripped apart, splayed across the rocks of time" - good line
"Child spirit ripped apart, splayed across the rocks of time" - good line
to be different."