on Drive on by Meler1123
19 Oct 2004, 12:12 PM
I like the driving rhythm. Too many adjectives in lines like, "Awoken by that loud rumbling sound." -> Awake to rumbles, or something simple like that.
on Irreversible by Caducus
19 Oct 2004, 9:49 AM
Quite good, especially, "the victim of lies became what he despised." I would omit the last 3 lines.
on You by Fire_is_cool
19 Oct 2004, 9:45 AM
The daughter is her daughter's child. On it goes. Well done.
replying on A Piñon Limb by Dovina
18 Oct 2004, 3:52 PM
Believe, brother. We are all nothing but pinion limbs, and only us elite pinion-limb experts have a right to talk about it. Thanks for comprising part of the city-dwelling audiance.
on Marlowe, Raleigh, INTRANSIT (God speaks) by INTRANSIT
18 Oct 2004, 2:57 PM
This is the craziest thing I've seen you write, starting with the title. (And btw, welcome back) What on earth are you trying to say with these mushy, flowery, King James words? "and all the world and love are young"? Really! And "enjoyest thee" must surely mean 'enjoy thou.' And "steepy mountain yields" means something I'm sure. "Roses and posies" is a bit lik saying 'women and people.'
Oh, yo're pulling our collective legs, aren't you? The last line is lol.
Oh, yo're pulling our collective legs, aren't you? The last line is lol.
replying on To Leave a Trace by Dovina
18 Oct 2004, 2:16 PM
Thank you, I try.
replying on To Leave a Trace by Dovina
18 Oct 2004, 12:59 PM
I am hideously insulted that anyone should think they have to ask me not to take something the worng way. I never take anything the wrong way! The purity of my continual rightness in these matters has been worngly interpreted as blandness.
replying on Fast Dreams by cuddlytiger17
18 Oct 2004, 11:42 AM
How utterly relevant! She obviously dreams of tramps, eulogizes them.
replying on Fast Dreams by cuddlytiger17
17 Oct 2004, 2:21 PM
Yeah, okay, you were running in your dream. If only I'd known.
replying on To Leave a Trace by Dovina
17 Oct 2004, 11:44 AM
Sorry to have poured hope into your day. Itâs the danger of writing though, the difficulty of completely removing every trace on the day before we die, overlooking something, or getting the timing wrong. God, what will they really say!?
replying on To Leave a Trace by Dovina
17 Oct 2004, 11:43 AM
Itâs a pipe dream, kinda like heaven. But who knows, maybe theyâll find the good stuff and not the crap. Iâd have used a nicer word, but Horus says Iâm bland. He can be so sweet sometimes.
on Fast Dreams by cuddlytiger17
17 Oct 2004, 9:11 AM
I don't see how you race through a dream.
on the battle for troy by oneglove
17 Oct 2004, 9:08 AM
I hate the term, true love. It is love or not, but what is true love? Otherwise, I find this fanciful, but alright in a mushy way.
replying on To Leave a Trace by Dovina
17 Oct 2004, 9:01 AM
Thank you, I think. Or is that too bland a way of saying I appreciate and almost like what you are saying?
on On Going Blind by Fear of Garbage
15 Oct 2004, 11:06 AM
I have not seen the painting, but already think I know how it looks from your vivid description. Could you post a link to it?
replying on Archivist of Emotion by Dovina
15 Oct 2004, 10:48 AM
Yes, I think that's better, and am even more happy to know that my but is not so big after all.
replying on Archivist of Emotion by Dovina
14 Oct 2004, 7:42 PM
I might just end with line 11, might be stronger for being smaller. What's so good about big?
on the gold rush by oneglove
14 Oct 2004, 7:01 PM
She's a lucky girl.