last line changed. unity hit it for why i started it that way.

sorry rebecca. i changed it, then changed it back. i like 'twirl'. can't help myself.

what would be better? 'whirl'? 'are caught in its sway'?
i am open to suggestion; this was a fast write, and will change, no doubt. the first line is a decade old; the rest is changed. so, speak...

i think that 'quietus' has context clues enough to justify its use, and the assonance is the reason i chose it. it's a whispery word, which is where my grief walks now. and, it was an ending, a passing, because although he is still very alive for me, there is no 'us'; that entity is a dead hope.

i will have a look at yours. thanks.

thank you for your comments. in the line about quietus, my meaning is, before what was between us died, before he withdrew from me. i am not sure how to resolve the problem of who is being addressed; many of the pieces i write are written to him, for him. they are more intimate that way. i make the reader assume the role of voyeur. i hope it works.

thank you. would you like to know the source?

thanks. my reasoning? i like the two "nothing"s because it's more self-effacing that way--as my "i" is lowercase, and his is uppercase. and i'm keeping "didn't" instead of "did not" because his attitude towards me was so flip, so casual.

better? it's so fucking close to home i can't see it, so i appreciate the help.

i asked someone for their number; see title for their response. at least you can proudly say you earned a slam.

write what you see. forget about what others will think. so sayeth z.

can you help with suggestions, please?